I moved into the dorms 4 nights ago. I spent about 500 un-refundable dollars for orientation and a housing fee. I got my crappy mattress on my crappy bed lofted on a rickety loft system that my RA had to help me set up. I decorated my room and bathroom and shipped things to myself via Amazon. I have cute bedding in my favorite color and pictures of friends and family above my desk. I had registered for cool classes like River Orientation and Environmental Art. My roomate and I get along fantastically. I've made a few friends. But all of that will be disolved by tomorrow evening, when I move out of my dorm and prepare to go home. 1456 miles home. Why? Because I've dropped out.

That's right, I've dropped out before classes even started. I went out for breakfast with some friends this morning, then stopped by the Academic Center to fill out withdrawal and drop forms.

When registering for classes yesterday, I realized that not only was it a stretch to afford this semester but that next semester would be damn near impossible. You see, when filling out the FAFSA, I had to have my father fill it out because I lived with him for the majority of the previous year. But things changed. My parents divorced and I moved into a small apartment with my mom. My dad and I don't really talk anymore as he is kind of the worst person ever. His large income disqualifies me for any kind of financial aid, grant, or work study job. I filed an appeal for my mom's income to be looked at instead. That didn't seem to change my situation.

I sat in the financial aid offices for hours yesterday, bouncing back and forth from specialists to advisors to directors, to try to find a way to afford this semester. I would have to drop two classes and only take 12 credit hours, use every bit of my savings, and start a payment plan for the remaining balance. I left the Academic Building crying and called my mom. I didn't think it was worth it to stay for one semester and end up in debt if I just had to go home. I kept crying and then called my boyfriend to tell him the same thing. We talked for hours about if I would stay or go, until I decided to go. It wasn't worth it to me. The mountains, friends, outdoor ed program, and cool classes aren't worth it. So I've dropped out.

I'm going to go home in a few days and take a semester or year off. I'll get a job or two and save my money. Take some time to decide what I really want. And that's okay.

Just because you drop out doesn't mean that you don't care about your education. For me, it means that I care more about my education. I care enough to sacrifice a fun semester. I care enough to go through the emotional stress of packing up again and flying back. This is going to save my money and this is going to save my education.