A trait some Americans look for in a presidential candidate is someone they could have a beer with; a person they can relate to.
Although highly unlikely, I would like to see how the 2016 presidential candidates acted if they were to go out and grab a drink together, and this is sort of how I think the night would go.
The night would start at a Chili's, because Gary Johnson loves their happy hour and their bone-in wings.
Hillary Ubers to Chili's, because she says she's being responsible, and Johnson drove there himself; Trump gets dropped off by his driver, arriving 45 minutes late. Jill Stein said she wanted to go, but no one ever texted her the details.
Once at the restaurant, everyone orders drinks; Johnson orders a beer, Clinton gets a vodka soda, and Trump orders a brandy neat that's served to him in a wine glass, because it's a Chili's, not a swanky bar in Manhattan.
Johnson has four beers, and flies through them. Clinton barely touches her drink, but that doesn't stop her from ordering another. Trump, now with a beer in front of him, is too busy ordering drinks for women around the restaurant to touch his. Some of the drinks get sent back, because the girls weren't of age, and were with their families.
Feeling pretty buzzed, Johnson suggests they go to a dive bar down the street. Trump orders everyone shots, because he said they had to celebrate that good idea. Clinton barely chokes down the shot and then is instantly drunk, because she drinks so little.
Once at the bar, Clinton lets loose. She throws Janice Joplin on the jukebox, which surprises the patrons of the bar that it was even an option. She yells, "Next round is on me," which is met with no response; someone throws up in the back of the bar.
Johnson, who is just focused on drinking, keeps ordering beers, and French fries, which he claims are actually quite good.
Clinton gets one more drink in her, but then starts crying, because a few people were chanting Benghazi in the back. Trump is nowhere to be found.
With the night wrapping up, Johnson asks for the check, which they forget to split prior to ordering.
Johnson pays for his portion, and leaves a hefty tip. With her Uber about to arrive, Clinton frantically throws down $10, her portion was closer to $20.
Believing Trump left, Johnson covers Trump's portion, and then gets into his car and leaves.
Trump, emerging from the shadows, jogs over to the table, takes the money for the bill, and writes a mean note to the waiter and signs it Gary Johnson.
