I have often found two ways of looking at stress. There is stress in which motivates invigorates and inspires growth and then there is stress which degrades, belabors and causes unhealthy feelings—depression anxiety etc. I often get thrown in and out of these two feelings of stress.
As a young college student managing different roles and keeping a sense of self, I have acquired many leadership roles. From freshman to sophomore year of college the stress was pretty enjoyable. I was doing a lot, being put in high positions and feeling inspired to become a part of the Georgian Court community. I feel as though it was all fun and games, there were no grim realities, just hard truths which pushed me to want more for myself.
As the conclusion of the second semester of sophomore year ended and junior year began, I felt a plateau coming along. Like I had wound myself up like one those music boxes. However, instead of the release of a musical tune, a degradation of myself or this music box began. My world began collapsing rapidly.
As I am writing currently in such a state, I wonder what it is about the cursed junior year. Everyone speaks of it as an omen like summons, one that is unpreventable and must be experienced. It’s the hump year where you begin running and waiting, you’re in the home stretch territory.
So, I have carefully thought about things in which have influenced my changed vibes and energy, for one that college tuition is hitting in its fullest effect, more than it has in the past. It’s like suddenly your brain starts calculating the numerical deficit and one is wondering if senior year is really necessary. At this point, one is either pursuing a serious relationship or has been single for longer than they had expected. You are completely over your parents and you have either moved out or you’re planning on it. You are losing friends and gaining friends on a rapid basis and you’re not sure whether that is good or bad. Your weight has fluctuated significantly and the freshman 15 is now the college 40, or you can’t seem to gain anything at all and you’re stuck looking 18.
Most of your friends and you are turning 21 so there is loads of room for distractions. The work load seems impossible to keep up with. So being young and free and being disciplined and exercising time management becomes an internal conflict. You never have any money because someone is always turning 21. You know more bars in your area than philosophical theories. You barely go to class or you show up all the time and still nothing is much the same. There is this constant lagging to each day because you are perfectly centered in the middle of epic change.
My belief is that junior year in college is the hardest because we are all waiting and running at the same time. We can’t wait to graduate, but we can’t pay our bills. We can’t wait to move out, but we still ask our parents for money. We are legal and we can drink, but we can’t afford that either. I think it’s hard not just academically, but spiritually.
Our minds are setting up for some larger picture. A picture that we have wound up like a snow globe, but we haven’t been able to hear it play. So we are envisioning degrading things, explosions, pessimism at its best. I think junior year is the hardest because we are young and afraid and we like to pretend to be old and fearless. Truth is, even the old get scared.
