“I won’t take no for an answer.”
There are some situations in which this phrase is OK to utter. You know, like when your friend’s parents are trying to pay for your dinner, but your mom gave you money for dinner, so you have to pretend like you don’t want them to pay. When one of them finally says this, you let out a "Phew" and congratulate yourself on now being $20 richer (sorry, Mom, dinner was way more than I thought it would be -- I had to leave all the change for the tip). That’s a great time to hear someone stubbornly refuse your request.
When your grandmother insists on going shopping because “You just look like you could use some new clothes” (thanks?). When your best friend insists you deserve to go get waffles and ice cream because you aced a test. When your professor insists on raising your grade (ha, I go to Hopkins, who am I kidding?). There are plenty of circumstances in which this is a great response to get.
But you know what is not one of those?
In a relationship.
When someone wants to take another person on a date, and the person who is being asked says no to the asker, it is not “cute” to keep pushing. When a person decides to end a relationship for any reason at all (which that person is not necessarily even obliged to explain), it is not “passionate” to ignore that decision.
Sure, if you really love someone, you can try to work out a relationship. Whether it is a significant other, family member or best friend, it is never easy to see someone leave your life. Working things out, however, is different from just saying, “No. This isn't happening because I don't want it to, so I will keep [texting/calling/visiting/insert problematic action here] you until you give in and take me back.”
That is so not OK. For some reason, it’s come to be portrayed as romantic when a person rejects another’s decision to end a relationship or reject a date. Anyone who has been there, however, would likely be able to assure you: that is not the case.
Imagine being in a relationship and deciding that nope, it’s just not working anymore. Maybe there was a fight, maybe you just decided it’s not going where you want it to. You explain to your partner and, instead of an apology or even a “Why?”, you receive a whopping “No.” That’s all. Just nah. "I know you wanted to break up, but how about lunch tomorrow? Because -- oh yeah, we’re not breaking up. Anyway."
My point here is that disregarding another person’s statements is acceptable in a select few situations, in which it's pretty obvious that the other person doesn’t really mean what they’re saying (we all know I was totally down for you to buy me lunch and am way too broke to have it turn out otherwise -- I’m a college student, so mooching is basically my job).
Romance, however, is not one of those situations. "No means no" doesn’t just apply to sexual consent; it applies to a relationship as a whole. Fighting for someone does not allow a total disregard for that person’s feelings, particularly if you are going directly against what you are being told.
I don’t know when we decided that “My way or the highway” was a good motto to have in relationships, but, personally, I think it’s a pretty awful, if not abusive, one.
