It's sophomore year again. I look back fondly on my sophomore year of high school. My friends and I had created a plethora of memories. Now, I look ahead at my collegiate sophomore year and feel a similar giddy excitement.
While I did go through some changes in 10th grade, they weren't beyond another extracurricular activity or two. Sophomore year of college is going to be a little bit different. Or should I say, very different. This year, the changes will be more significant. They'll be equally as, if not more so, overwhelming.
Let us begin with the fact that I'm in a totally different city, a big city. Yes, it's always been my dream to be in a big city, surrounded by constant bustle and excitement, but that doesn't change the fact that I'm still a little nervous about these new surroundings.
What I find odd about this is the fact that, after being here for a year, I'm now starting to feel this way. I don't remember feeling nearly as anxious last year. Maybe it was because I was a seriously excited freshman who was too set on taking things in to be overwhelmed.
It could have something to do with the fact that I have the opportunity to be my full and true self this year, without any attachments to home, aside from family and friends. Maybe, now that I've fully let go, I'll be able to indulge myself in my new life fully, and that's what makes me apprehensive. The idea of being rejected for being my true self is scary, and I think I need to be honest about it.
With the risk of letting people see my true self come the pressures of the new job that may launch my career. I am beyond lucky and grateful to have received this position, as it'll help me with the skills I need to become a reporter. As excited as I am, I'm also nervous. I'm afraid of messing up, even though they tell you that you should mess up to learn. When I'm in the middle of a good story, my mind stops me to tell me that I need to be more hesitant because I'm doing something wrong. It's an uphill battle. I just have to prove myself wrong.
Even though I constantly try to remind myself that it will be great, I'm still scared. I'm abnormally terrified. There is so much going for me, and I don't want to ruin it. So I tell myself I'm not going to. It's just the beginning, and there are so many new opportunities approaching that are just begging to be taken. I have to toss my apprehension and just go for them.
I'm here to say that it's okay to be afraid, it's okay to be petrified about new things, and its okay to expect the worst sometimes. It's normal to be on the verge of tears and want to run to your best friend back home because you aren't ready to not do everything with her, after all.
But you don't have to live in these scared feelings forever. Do yourself a favor and live in this exciting and scary time. Your future self will be glad that you did.
