Going to college can be a life-changing experience for some and a nightmare for others. In a world where political correctness and respectability politics are, in my opinion, ruining society, it’s hard to articulate a less than stellar college experience without pissing off someone. If I can be brutally honest, my college experience so far has been less than what I dreamed it would be as a kid.
Going to college has been a lifelong dream of mine for various reasons. Perhaps the most important reason I wanted to go to college was because deep down, I’m a nerd; I like learning. Another reason I wanted to go to college was because my mother impressed upon me at a young age the seriousness of knowledge. So, by the time I was eight, going to college was on my list of life goals.
When my junior year rolled around, I had made an unconscious decision to attend a Historically Black College or University. Growing up in the 90’s, who didn’t want to attend a school like the fictional Hillman College? The 90’s classic, "A Different World" personified Blackness and what it meant to be an African-American seeking a higher education. Plus, I just had to fulfill my lifelong dream of pledging Delta Sigma Theta.
When time came around to apply for colleges my list largely consisted of HBCUs within the Alabama, Mississippi, Louisiana, and Georgia borders. By the time I graduated, I’d been accepted into several HBCUs and had about $60,000 in scholarships. Sadly, life didn’t turn out the way I wanted and here I am at 25, still in my hometown, attending a Predominantly White Institution (PWI).
My experience attending a PWI has been challenging for many reasons. Not only did I choose to attend a PWI, I chose a small, private, expensive, conservative, Christian PWI. I feel like it is important to state that in no way is my experience the end-all-be-all for experiences of those who happen to attend the same college as I do. I’m stating this because I can almost guarantee that some random student, alumni or teacher of my university will read this and be offended.
It’s hard to honestly and truthfully critique the university without painting a negative perception. I have to start with the positives and state that I have really grown as an academic scholar. I have learned to broaden my horizon and look beyond my typical cynical, pessimistic views of the world. Another thing I appreciate is the small student body; professors know me by name and I have tangible access to them. They are concerned with more than whether or not you pass their class; they’re concerned about you as an individual.
The other thing I appreciate is that they were concerned about my spiritual being. Growing up in an extremely religious household, I had lost my way spiritually and was slowly leaning towards agnosticism. My college has helped me develop a more positive relationship with Christ. Though I’m still very skeptical and critical of the Christian church and its various denominations.
Perhaps my biggest issue was the lack of diversity. If you didn’t attend here from the start of your college career, chances are, you feel like an outcast unless you share similar interests to the student body. It should be no surprise that I fall into the former category. When I transferred in the fall of 2014, I was 23, extremely liberal, very Pro Black, borderline agnostic, with a deeply cynical and pessimistic mindset. That goes against the happy, perky, bubbly, Jesus loving, conservative, stereotype of my school. So what do you do when you’re me? The answer is simple: you say absolutely nothing; you come to class, speak when spoken to, and go the hell home. On a good day, I would stick around and order food, but I almost never engaged with anyone. I sat in the corner; I ate alone and got the hell out of dodge.
Of course, my professors encouraged me to speak up and try and be friendly. “We need more voices like yours Dee; try and make friends” they’d tell me. I started to believe it, but when I tried to be open my reception wasn't well received. I’ll never forget the time I tried engaging in conversation with a few students about religion and they basically shut me down. I know it’s narrow-minded of me but, after that, I came to the conclusion that there was a very narrow-minded concept on religion among the student population. There was almost no room for arguments; it was very clear cut to me: Love Jesus or else. I understood that this was a Christian university but I wanted deep thinking, challenging faith. I had heard enough of the ‘Love Jesus; don’t ask complicated questions’ mantra growing up.
The other thing that I really take issue with is the fact that there are no campus activities directed towards minority students. There is no mention of a diversity or minority club. We don’t celebrate Black History Month. There is no individual study for African Americans or any other race for that matter (aside from Intercultural studies). To date, we have a total of 6 instructors of color; two Asian, two Black, and two Latino. To most, it should be something celebrated but for me, it’s not enough. It can’t be when a large portion of the Black staff work in custodial positions or as cooks in the food courts. It can’t be enough when White students don’t understand the symbolism behind hanging a life-sized brown looking balloon figure on campus. It can’t be enough when the response you get from administrators during an assembly about race is ‘it’s not a skin thing, it’s a sin thing’. I understand the meaning behind that statement but, it didn't solve the problem.
I have been extremely apprehensive about writing this piece for various reasons. For one, I am still a student here and would like to end my senior year without evil stares and side-eyed glances from my peers because I burst the image of our university that most hold so dear. I also have to think smart about how this could affect me career-wise. However, at the end of the day, I must be truthful with myself. Too often, stories like mine are pushed to the back-burner or are deemed as inconsequential if a large number of other Black students don’t think or feel this way.
My experience hasn’t necessarily been bad, but it hasn’t been all that comfortable either. One of my academic heroes and fellow sociologist, W.E.B. DuBois, often spoke about double consciousness and the veil. The terms easily define the experience of being Black in America and how we navigate through the world differently than others. This is especially true being a Black student attending a PWI; we spend four or more years living and breathing in double consciousness. We often navigate through academia differently than White students which, in turn, makes our college experience much more nuanced.
Again, my experience is not the end-all-be-all for experiences as a Black person attending a PWI, but my experience is still just as important and needs to be told.
