On the night of September 10th, I received an email with the subject "Thank you for coming to Callbacks!", and I knew right away that this meant I did not make it into an a cappella group. I remember sitting in the stairwell afterwards, on the phone with my mom, crying and saying “I don’t know what I am going to do”. A cappella was the one thing that I had always been certain I wanted to pursue in college, and without it, I felt my identity on campus was nonexistent.
Yesterday, my younger brother got cut from basketball. He has made so much progress this year, joining a travel team, approaching the coach at school asking to train off season, and attending these off season practices. We are all so proud of how hard he has been working. When my mom shared the news with me yesterday, I said, “I can’t imagine how sad he must be.” She responded with “Yes, you can.”
I really wasn’t expecting that response. Yet, once I thought about it, I knew she was right, I could imagine the sadness he was feeling and thought back to the day of a cappella auditions. As I did this, I realized that the sadness in remembering that moment was displaced now, because I have learned and grown since that experience. Out of the many rejections I have faced, not just a cappella, I can look back and say that everything happened for the best.
Everything is always working out exactly as it should.
Every morning I get an email from “The Universe”. Fittingly, today’s was:
Sometimes when a door is slammed shut, Samantha, the very best thing you can do is to knock on it again, and again, and again.
But I'd recommend you try all the other doors, too.
This quote seems to grapple with the very idea I have been thinking about, yet also brings up the question of the two extremes of trusting the process and going out there and getting what you want.
When do we take a step back and accept that our current circumstances are here for a reason and when do we take a step forward to seek change?
I don’t think there is one answer for this, it varies from situation to situation. For some, saying “Trust the Process” may provoke a sense of helplessness in thinking we cannot control what happens in our life.
Yet I believe our lives are happening through us, not to us.
Still, this does not mean that I am going to go out there and try to get every minor detail in my life fixed until I deem my life to be perfect because a) that perfect life doesn’t exist, nor would I want it to because b) so much beauty in life comes from the imperfections.
When it comes to balancing these extremes of trusting life versus control, I think that it comes down to recognizing what’s important to you, what it is that makes you feel alive, and sticking to that.
What’s key is realizing that when things don’t go your way, it may be because there’s something else out there, or maybe you aren’t ready just yet for whatever opportunity it was that you were seeking.
In terms of my experience with a cappella I know that, while being involved in a group this semester would have been amazing, without a cappella in my life right now, I have had extra time to really focus on myself, and, as cheesy as it sounds, find who I am here at Villanova. Not being part of a group gave me space to explore different clubs, meet new people, and just be completely present during my first semester. And that, I believe, is why I did not make it into a group. Even on the night itself, friends who I had barely known 3 weeks instantly cheered me up with ice cream and Gilmore Girls, showing me that a reason for not making it was to remind me I was loved.
So yes, I am trusting the process and know that these things happen for a reason, but don’t get me wrong.
That one door may have closed in September so that I would try all the others, but come February audition time, you can bet I will be there knocking again.
Rejection can either break us or build us. These learning experiences humble us, remind us who we are, and give us space to go out there and take control of our life again. Like everything, it is a process. The reasons to why these learning experiences happen may take time to be discovered, but the reasons are always there, no matter the circumstances. Let’s start trusting the process more and know that the things we want will always be there for us to go out and grab them.
Talk soon,
Sam
