Do you ever open Facebook and begin scrolling through your newsfeed only to realize that every single person on your friend list is in some kind of complicated, non-relationship? And worse yet, those who aren’t, are instead in some sort of awful traditional relationship getting engaged and having babies and gross stuff that was the rage back when your grandma was a part of the dating scene.
If you were wondering if your current significant other is doomed to become an ex then these 11 reasons will clue you in on the possibility of things just not working out. (Hint: Your relationship is probably doomed.)
1. Neither of you wants to commit and you keep hooking up and hanging out instead of setting boundaries.
2. You guys are committed. Like way too committed. Like you don’t even acknowledge the fact that there are other people in the world that could be potential partners committed.
3. Your significant other is now your fiance after only three months of dating.
4. You have been dating since freshman year of high school and everyone knows that high school sweethearts’ love has an expiration date. Everything has an expiration date these days.
5. You and your man are in a long-distance relationship but you’re making it work because you think that true love can last all tests of time, space and inevitability.
6. You have just found out that you are expecting an unplanned new addition and your boyfriend is ready to make things work no matter what it takes.
7. You are finally pregnant after trying for months and you and your partner or ecstatic to finally be parents. Everyone has been questioning if it is the right time even though you know in your heart that it couldn’t be more perfect.
8. There is a love interest of any sort in your life. Why are you even considering interacting with someone you could potentially be attracted to? You know what, you should stop interacting with people altogether. Move to an abandoned island and take up the lost art of smoke signals. But only towards yourself, because interaction with people is bad. You could almost say it is always doomed. No matter what.
9. You can sit down and have healthy talks with the significant person in your life and neither of you is manipulative, condescending, controlling or otherwise deserving of the title - “Royal Douche-canoe”
10. You often times find yourself thinking about how happy your significant other treats you and are considering that they might be “The One” for you.
11. You are alive and breathing dating another person who is alive and breathing.
How dare you date another person on planet Earth? I mean it would be worse if they were dead or if they were a species other than homo sapien.
But come on hun. You really think that things are going to last with another living, breathing human being in this universe?
Yeah, right.
Listen, folks. All I’m saying is that if you are in a relationship, or you’re not in a relationship, or you’re sort of in a relationship, or you’re considering a relationship with a person you kind of have a thing with, you are doing it wrong and your “relationship” is doomed.
You may as well just break up now and call it a day.
Disclaimer: This is a satirical article. For those of you incapable of recognizing a joke please know that I am being nothing more than sarcastic with my statements here.
The point of this article is to show people who are judgemental of others’ relationships how ridiculous it is to crucify the lives of other people. Let’s learn to be accepting and supportive. If you are already accepting and supportive, fabulous. Let’s learn to keep growing in that direction.
Love and support, not judgment and hatred.
