I am the type of person to put others before myself. I put my feelings away until I break. But don’t worry about me, I’m okay. I’m always okay.
Feelings are hard and complicated for me. I talk about my feelings and trip over my words. Feelings are scary for me, so I push them down. I begin to cry, and I hate when people see me cry. I feel like a burden—like I am some needy, attention seeking person—when I allow people to listen to me talk about how I feel.
You see, I’m the person people go to when they are extremely happy, mad or upset. The person who is there when you need someone to talk to. I listen, I won’t lecture if you don’t want me to. I will spend money on cake for you to make you feel better. I will stay up with you till the wee hours of the morning until you have run out of words.
Some people look at me like I’m crazy. People tend to ask, “Are you sure you can handle the repercussions of all this emotion? Why do you do that to yourself?” And the simple answer is that I care. I care that people are happy, that is why I always greet with, “Hi, how are you?" *insert a smile here.* I care that you will always have someone to talk to. I hope you know that there is always someone who cares.
So when you ask me if I am okay, I really am okay. As I always say “I’m Jess, I’m okay, I’m always okay.” I never want you to worry about me because there is nothing for you to worry about. Everyone has their own way of coping with emotion and mine is helping others deal with their emotion.
So yes, some days I may seem distant, I might withdraw to myself for a few hours, but don’t worry about me, I’m okay. I am a person who will realize my feelings and I will get over them because as Marilyn Monroe said, “Everything happens for a reason.”
I will not sit there and wallow in my emotions and let life pass by because as Vivian Greene says, “Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to dance in the rain.” Life isn’t perfect but as the French say, “c'est la vie,” or “that’s life,” and that is fine with me.
Maybe someday if you ask me “how are you?” Maybe someday I’ll open up to you. But for now, my response is “I’m okay. Don’t worry about me. I’m Jess. I’m always okay.”
