I have always been someone who has obsessed over minuscule things that end up not being as big of a deal as I thought it might be. It may be because I care too much about my life and how it plays out, or it may be that I am just so incredibly afraid of failure. I find myself on a daily basis over thinking things people say to me, things I say to others, and even things that are out of my control. I get told all the time to “not worry about it” or to “not sweat the small stuff,” but trust me, it is a lot harder than it seems.

Atychiphobia is the term to describe someone who has a fear of failure. I honestly believe that this fear is partly what causes me to get stressed over little things. I do not know what it is, but I always have the urge to impress others and to do my best at everything I can, but even my best sometimes is not good enough for me. I guess you could say I am my biggest critique.

I remember this year when I had my very last outdoor track meet, which happened to be the same weekend as Spring Fling. Of course, I wanted to go out and do fun things with my friends, but I made sure that I went to bed early and left the dance at a reasonable time. The next day at my meet, I did AWFUL. I remember being so mad at myself because I thought that I did everything I could the night before to prepare for this meet, and yet I still did badly. It made me have thoughts of wishing I had stayed out later with my friends, considering I did badly in my meet anyways. I also thought about how hard I worked this past season, just to have the worse meet ever. You could say I was pretty discouraged that day. But the thing is, it was not something that had a huge impact on my life. It was one meet. One meet of the many I have and will compete in. Yet, I still got discouraged when I did not get the results I wanted to. The other thing is, I had just come back from an injury, so I should have been happy with my results, but of course I was not.

Another thing that I obsess over is when people touch my things without asking. I get so angry when I go into my room to find that something has been moved or taken from my room. This is just another thing that should not have such a big impact on my life, but it just does. My sister, who is a frequent borrower of my stuff, knows how much it bothers me. She might always return my stuff after she uses it, but I still get so upset when I find out she wears something of mine. I also get mad when I find out something is out of place in my room. It usually ends up being my mom who just went in to use my brush or something, but if I notice it is not where I left it, well let’s just say I will not stop thinking about it. See what I mean yet about obsessing over small things?

You can probably guess that I am the same way when it comes to school. I am definitely one of those obnoxious people who have a mental breakdown about a test I think I am gonna fail, and then get an A on it. Some people find it really annoying that I do this, but they have to understand that it is not intentional. I do actually have concerns about not passing, and I do not purposely get a good grade after balling my eyes out the night before. This ties into my fear of failure. I want to do my absolute best at everything I can, and it often times gets myself into trouble with my friends and family, who are probably annoyed with all the times I have gotten stressed out about a big test or final in school.

Like I said in the beginning, I also get upset about certain things people say to me, or that I say to them. I specifically remember a time when my Algebra II teacher in high school got super mad at me for asking questions during a test. He told me that when I got into the higher level math class the next year, I would not be able to ask questions during quizzes and tests like I did in his class. It definitely made me upset because I did not even realize I was doing anything wrong, but these words have stuck with me ever since. I took Algebra II my sophomore year of high school and now here I am going into my sophomore year of college, and I still think about the words my teacher told me. Although it has stuck with me, it has also taught me a good lesson to ask questions BEFORE the test instead of during. I have now gotten much better about doing so, and I try my best not to ask questions during a test unless I absolutely have to. This was just one of many times where someone has said something to me that I cannot get out of my head.

Now I am not saying that sweating the small stuff is always a bad thing, because it is not. Obsessing over little things along with my fear of failure has helped me to become the person I am today. I will forever be someone who is worried about my grades, my life choices, and will continue to strive to be the best I can be. So the next time you tell someone not to “sweat the small stuff,” remember that it is not always as easy as it may seem.