Don't Stay In A One-Sided Relationship

Don't Stay In A One-Sided Relationship

You deserve the kind of love you would give someone else.

One-sided relationships have been on my mind this week. The subject just popped into my head and kind of stuck. When I say one-sided relationships, I don't just mean people in a romantic relationship, I'm talking about all kinds of relationships.

We are all busy. We have to balance a lot of responsibilities throughout our lives. It seems like no one slows down, and everyone is always moving at such a fast pace. No matter how busy someone may be, if you are truly important, people will make time for you.

Life is full of extraordinary experiences. There is so much to discover and learn. Being in a one-sided relationship isn't worth your time or the heartache. Life is too short to be putting effort into people who won't do the same for you.

I really dislike when I hear people say, "relationships are hard work." Relationships are not hard work. They shouldn't even be considered work. There will be arguments and disagreements, but that is to be expected. When you are with someone who is in love with you, it won't be hard. Things will have a flow to them. I know "flow" is an abstract idea, but when you're with the other person you'll just feel it. Things will just make sense. When you can share intimacy, vulnerability, and good communication, it will be simple.

One-sided relationships are unhealthy. It will emotionally drain you. It brings you unwanted negativity and will feel like you are stuck in a cycle of disappointment. It will make you feel like you aren't good enough. You are good enough, though.

One-sided friendships deserve recognition. These kind of friendships seem to be a little more common. Friendships are important and should improve your life in some way. Being friends with someone who never initiates contact, treats you like a convenience or sees the friendship as a chore is awful. That's not what friendship is. Friendship is finding someone who will sit on the kitchen floor eating pizza at 3 a.m. with you while talking about each other's hopes and dreams. Friendship is being able to be comfortable with each other's silence and knowing that talking isn't always necessary. The greatest way to honor a friend is to share your vulnerabilities. Trust creates an even stronger bond.

Do not ignore the "red flags" of one-sided relationships. I have ignored the red flags before, and it made the pain hurt even more. It will be less painful to accept and address that the relationship isn't working than ignoring the issue. It will be like ripping a bandage off. The pain will sting at first but after a while, the pain will be gone. I would rather be alone than be with someone who makes me feel alone.

Making an effort is important. It is one of the most crucial elements for a relationship. Without effort, the relationship will crumble. It's sad because it seems like effort is becoming more difficult to find. I want to make deep, meaningful connections with people. I don't want anything frivolous or superficial.

The people who put effort into your relationship and connect with you on a deeper level should be treasured. These kind of relationships are hard to find, but once you make one you'll know that it is genuine and authentic. Surround yourself with people who make you feel loved and important.

Cover Image Credit: Tumblr

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10 Exes Everyone Has, As Told By Taylor Swift Songs

Because no one knows breakup ballads quite like Taylor.

If you've ever experienced a breakup, you know there is no healing method quite like drowning your sorrows with the three break up gods: Ben, Jerry, and Taylor Swift. Taylor Swift is the queen of exes, the queen of breakup anthems, and the queen of heartwrenching professions of love through ballads. Some may hate her, some may worship her, but regardless of your feelings, you cannot deny that Swift writes songs about every type of romantic encounter you have experienced.

1. Your First Love - "Fifteen"

Any girl listens to "Fifteen" and automatically has a certain love on her mind. The first time you fall in love, or rather, think you do, is a person that you cannot erase from your memory. When Taylor Swift writes her lyrics "When your fifteen/And somebody tells you they love you/ You're gonna believe them," she puts to words your naivety and innocence throughout your first love. It is most likely a love that ended badly, with you being exploited or hurt, thus starting your mistrust in love and your hesitance to fall in love again. But, at that age, you are so desperate for love that you can become blind to who that person really is. This type of love is very basic, dramatic, and innocent.

2. Your First Heartbreak - "Picture to Burn"

The first time you experienced heartbreak, not just a breakup, is a memorable love in itself. You experience many stages of said heartbreak, eventually leading to anger or revenge. "Picture to Burn" encapsulates all of this, from its sarcastic bitterness and witty threatening tone. From declaring "you loved yourself more than you could ever love me" to promising that "I'm just sitting here/Planning my revenge/There's nothing stopping me/From going out with all of your best friends," "Picture to Burn" is the badass heartbreak anthem we all needed the first time around.

3. The One Your Parents Hated, But You Loved - "Love Story"

Based on Romeo and Juliet, a romantic classic, this song is what you blasted in your room after your parents told you they weren't too fond of the person you were seeing. It was just so unfair that your parents didn't like him; he is the love of your life. "Love Story" was the super realistic dream that said boy would show up to your house and throw pebbles out your window, whisk you away to a garden, declare his love for you, despite it being forbidden by your parents, and live happily ever after... until you found out that he was a jerk and your parents were right.

4. The Cheater- "Should've Said No"

Finding out the person you loved cheated on you is obviously one of the worst feelings anyone can think of. You feel worthless, betrayed, and self-conscious. "Should've Said No" is the song that puts into words everything you wanted to say to that person. "You should've said no/ You should've gone home/ You should've thought twice before you let it all go" clearly explains that a cheater makes a decision to betray you. There are no accidents, according to Taylor, instead, there are only decisions. This song had people who weren't even cheated on crying in their rooms about an imaginary relationship. A personal gut-wrenching line in "Should've Said No" is "I can't resist/Before you go, tell me this/ Was it worth it?/Was she worth this?" The cheater's actions don't just sting, it can create an image of yourself that makes you question whether you were good enough.

5. The Love at First Sight - "Enchanted"

Whether or not you believe in love at first sight is debatable, but I'm sure everyone can pinpoint at least one time where they walked into a room, looked at someone, and their heart soared. Maybe it had to do with their physical appearance or maybe something about their personality, you were intrigued and wanted, no, needed, to know more. The eye contact grows and grows as "your eyes whispered 'have we met?'/Across the room your silhouette/Starts to make it's way to me," until you are talking and you realize just how much you like this person. You leave that room thinking "it was enchanting to meet you" and the "lingering question kept [you] up/ 2 am who do you love," until your praying "Please don't be in love with someone else." Whether or not you ever speak or see this person again, or whether or not it is true love, "Enchanted" describes the feeling of a first impression you just can't shake.

6. The On/Off Again, Fighting Relationship - "The Way I Loved You"

Most people wish for an easy relationship. One without fighting, someone your parents and friends love, and who treats you like a princess. But, that can also be boring. Sometimes the crazy, passionate relationships that involve screaming matches, making up, tears, and laughs are the ones we love the most. "The Way I Loved You" compares this easy relationship of a seemingly perfect boyfriend to the image of one of these relationships where you are "breaking down and coming undone/It's a rollercoaster kind of rush/ Never knew I could feel that much." Swift describes that although the gentlemanly boy is a perfect boyfriend, she does not feel the same intensity as she does with the one that kisses her in the rain. And, we all gotta admit, we want to get kissed in the rain.

7. The One that Got Away - "If This Was a Movie"

Everyone has that one person that no matter how long it's been- you just can't shake them. Their presence and the memories you have of them are always playing through your mind. You aren't necessarily still in love with them, but you definitely will never stop loving them. Even after all that time, you still want them back. Maybe you've had other relationships, good ones, even. But, this person is someone that you will always love and continue to wait for. As the song says, "Six months gone and I'm still reaching/ Even though I know you're not there." Based on the premise of wishing he would show up with a romantic gesture, much like a movie scene, Taylor Swift describes the longing to get back the one that got away.

8. The Gentleman - "Begin Again"

We all date our fair share of jerks, i.e. the cheater, the first heartbreak, etc., and sometimes, it seems all the boys we seem to fall for fall into the 'jerk' category. But, one day, you'll meet a boy, and he's charming, sweet, and a gentleman, and you'll remember that not all men suck. It doesn't mean he's the one, or that you'll even fall in love with him, but you'll be reminded that there are guys out there that aren't our to break your heart. "Begin Again" is that first date where all you want to do is talk about the guy before who broke your heart and compare this guy to him, but you find that you are now incredibly invested in the conversation and ready to move on. The song goes "I think it's strange that you think I'm funny 'cause he never did/And I've been spending the last eight months thinking all love ever does is break and burn and end/ But on a Wednesday in a cafe/I watched it begin again" and makes you believe in love all over again.

9. The Game Player - "Cold As You"

The boy that just completely messed with your heart and your mind. Every time you said you were done, he somehow managed to win you back over, until he broke you again. Over and over the cycle continued, until you realized that half the time you were fighting with him just so he would grovel and come back. "Cold As You" recognizes that "when you take, you take the very best of me/So I start a fight because I need to feel something/And you do what you want because I'm not what you wanted." He plays way too many games that cause you to go crazy. The fighting and making up is fun for a while, until you realize that fighting and heartbreak are all that's there. If the smiles, love, and laughs are outnumbered by the tears and apologies, you are dealing with a game player. "Cold As You" is the realization that this kind of boy only has his interests at heart and probably doesn't care for you the way you do him.

10. The One - "Stay, Stay, Stay"

"Stay, Stay, Stay" blends together all aspects of a great love. Yes, they fight, but they talk it out. They joke around and are humorous and light, much like the song. But, through it all, "Stay, Stay, Stay" shows that no matter what, Swift is willing to put work into the relationship to see it through because she knows it's one that she wants to last a lifetime. Although the song starts with "I'm pretty sure we almost broke up last night/I threw my phone across the room at you," it ends with "All those times that you didn't leave/It's been occurring to me/I'd like to hang out with you for my whole life/Stay/And I'll be loving you for quite some time." 'The One' is the person that you understand the need to work for because, despite the occasional fight, they are completely and utterly worth it. You see a future with that person and you are able to be completely yourself with them. They are your other half. "Stay, Stay, Stay" has us all excited to finally meet this person.

So, whether you're crying over the boy that broke your heart or dancing in your room because you are just so happy in your relationship, Taylor Swift has the perfect choice of songs for any relationship occasion. Now, plug into your speaker or turn up your headphones, and enjoy ballad after ballad of the best relationship advice in the world.

Cover Image Credit: Elle UK

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Here Is Some Dating Advice That's Actually Helpful

This is the dating advice you SHOULD be getting but you probably aren't.

Let's talk about dates. I went on two first dates a few weekends back — yes, two. I went on a first date with a guy that I matched with on Tinder, and then the next day I went on another first date with a different guy that I matched with from Bumble. I had no previous obligation to either of these gentlemen, so I felt like it was okay to go on two different dates.

The night before my date with Tinder-man, I was up until six in the morning because I was looking up "what to do on a first date." Keep in mind that I haven't gone on a date in two years, so this was a big deal for me. That day, I FaceTimed with my best friend and she gave me advice that I couldn't get from an article. Luckily for you, I'm putting that advice into this article, along with the knowledge that I gained on my two dates.

1. First dates are just hangouts with people you don't know yet

OK, maybe you're going on a date with someone you know as a friend, but you still don't know them as a S/O. Go with the mindset that you and this person are just hanging out and getting to know each other, and if they don't like you that way or you don't like them, that's totally fine.

2. You're an amazing person

Whether you're newly single or haven't had a serious relationship ever, you're wonderful. Dating status doesn't change who you are, and as long you're being your best self and living a happy life, that's all that matters.

3. You are worthy of love

A lot of times, people feel very insecure after ending a relationship. That's normal, but don't ever feel like you are less worthy of love and happiness than anyone else — unless you're a murderer.

4. Be yourself

Yeah, this is really simple, but let me explain why it's so important. People can sense genuineness; people who are true to themselves have a certain thing about them where they're obviously not faking something. They are comfortable living their life, and that shows.

These were all wonderful things that my best friend taught me before I went on my date, and I'm so happy to share them. Most dating advice articles I read at 4 am just had things like "be a nice person, have basic manners, and talk about normal things but also be interesting," which are all very important but also very basic things. Going on dates can be extremely nerve-racking, and it's easy to lose sight of why you're going on a date in the first place: to enjoy each other's company!

Also for those wondering; my date from Tinder was really fun and we actually went on a second date this past weekend, but my date from Bumble was kind of boring and I haven't spoken to him since.

Cover Image Credit: Photo by on Unsplash

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