Don't Stay In A One-Sided Relationship

Don't Stay In A One-Sided Relationship

You deserve the kind of love you would give someone else.
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One-sided relationships have been on my mind this week. The subject just popped into my head and kind of stuck. When I say one-sided relationships, I don't just mean people in a romantic relationship, I'm talking about all kinds of relationships.

We are all busy. We have to balance a lot of responsibilities throughout our lives. It seems like no one slows down, and everyone is always moving at such a fast pace. No matter how busy someone may be, if you are truly important, people will make time for you.

Life is full of extraordinary experiences. There is so much to discover and learn. Being in a one-sided relationship isn't worth your time or the heartache. Life is too short to be putting effort into people who won't do the same for you.

I really dislike when I hear people say, "relationships are hard work." Relationships are not hard work. They shouldn't even be considered work. There will be arguments and disagreements, but that is to be expected. When you are with someone who is in love with you, it won't be hard. Things will have a flow to them. I know "flow" is an abstract idea, but when you're with the other person you'll just feel it. Things will just make sense. When you can share intimacy, vulnerability, and good communication, it will be simple.

One-sided relationships are unhealthy. It will emotionally drain you. It brings you unwanted negativity and will feel like you are stuck in a cycle of disappointment. It will make you feel like you aren't good enough. You are good enough, though.

One-sided friendships deserve recognition. These kind of friendships seem to be a little more common. Friendships are important and should improve your life in some way. Being friends with someone who never initiates contact, treats you like a convenience or sees the friendship as a chore is awful. That's not what friendship is. Friendship is finding someone who will sit on the kitchen floor eating pizza at 3 a.m. with you while talking about each other's hopes and dreams. Friendship is being able to be comfortable with each other's silence and knowing that talking isn't always necessary. The greatest way to honor a friend is to share your vulnerabilities. Trust creates an even stronger bond.

Do not ignore the "red flags" of one-sided relationships. I have ignored the red flags before, and it made the pain hurt even more. It will be less painful to accept and address that the relationship isn't working than ignoring the issue. It will be like ripping a bandage off. The pain will sting at first but after a while, the pain will be gone. I would rather be alone than be with someone who makes me feel alone.

Making an effort is important. It is one of the most crucial elements for a relationship. Without effort, the relationship will crumble. It's sad because it seems like effort is becoming more difficult to find. I want to make deep, meaningful connections with people. I don't want anything frivolous or superficial.

The people who put effort into your relationship and connect with you on a deeper level should be treasured. These kind of relationships are hard to find, but once you make one you'll know that it is genuine and authentic. Surround yourself with people who make you feel loved and important.

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An Open Letter to the Guy I'm Finally Getting Over

I think I'm ready to listen to the happy Taylor Swift songs again.
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I remember when all of this started. I couldn't have predicted you if I'd tried. I was so focused on myself that it took me a while to even admit I was interested in you. You were the one I didn't see coming, and then before long, you were the one I couldn't imagine leaving.

I'll be honest. I lied to myself and to everyone else for a long time. “We aren't anything serious," I'd say. “I'm just having fun." How stupid was I to think that I could resist getting caught up in you? Those months that we spent together were some of the best of my life. I didn't think it was possible for a someone to make me laugh like you did, to make me feel the way you did. You brought out a side of me I had never seen before, and even though that scared me, I didn't want it stop.

You had me so fooled.

One day, just like that, you were gone, and before I knew it I couldn't even recognize myself anymore. I couldn't imagine how someone I had given so much to could just leave like that and not even look back. The months after that was a string of waking up and losing you all over again, telling my friends I was fine one second and crying to them the next. And the second I started thinking I was okay, I saw you again. We talked, I cried, I yelled, you cried, you yelled, and for a couple weeks I pretended that everything would be okay, and you really meant it this time and we would make it. But just like before, it wasn't real.

Realizing that took me longer than I'd like to admit, but this is what I need you to know: I'm moving on. Finally, after months of dialing your number just to talk myself out of it, I can say that I'm moving on. I won't listen to sad songs anymore. I won't look at our pictures and re-live the days we spent together. I'm erasing every trace of you. I'm smiling brighter, I'm laughing louder, and if it's the last thing I do, I swear I'll find something that's better than what we had.

That's not to say that your memory won't knock the breath out of me on a Tuesday afternoon when our song comes through my headphones. That's not to say that I won't remember the promises you made me and want to scream at myself for ever believing you. But the difference is that I'll recognize the pain in those memories, and then I'll set them down and walk away. Because I'm done carrying them with me and I'm done giving you that power over me.

So don't call me up someday when I've finally forgotten your laugh; don't think about me at all if you can help it. You lost that right when you made the choices you did. This isn't some stupid love story we'll tell later down the road about how we beat the odds and came through stronger on the other side. This is done, do you understand? I'm finally done.

Years from now I'll look back on the adventures we had and laugh at how crazy we were. I'll remember the fierce happiness I felt while we were running wild together and I'll be grateful for this because it has molded me in ways I can't begin to explain. Someday I'll tell my daughter about you and pray that she learns from my mistakes, and when that day comes I'll wonder where you are and genuinely wish you the kind of happiness that I will have found.

I know you'll never read this. But I'll read this, on those nights when it feels like everything is starting to fall apart. Again and again and again, I'll read this and remind myself of the promise I'm making at this very moment, to look forward and stop letting your memory dictate my happiness. Someone wise once said, “Suddenly you'll just know, that it's time to start something new and trust the magic of beginnings." Well I'm trusting that this was just one short chapter of my book, and this is me turning the page.

Onto the next.

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My Rating On Ghosting? BOO.

Just recently I found out what it was like to be ghosted, and it literally is almost worse than going through a tough breakup.

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Ghosting is literally one of the worst things I've experienced. I give it a 0/10 on my list of things I'd love to try again.

It makes you feel like everything said, any interest someone had in you, was all a complete sham. If you've got anxiety, it can keep your mind running around in circles thinking about what it is you did wrong and what you could have changed to make things work out. Your heart breaks a little no matter how little you really got to know them (unless you weren't that interested) because there was a potential that they'd be a great companion (at least until they completely disappeared, that is). Even if you say you don't care, some small part of you does and is just trying to put on a brave face. You wonder why all of a sudden the person is disinterested when nothing you did changed. It feels almost worse than a breakup, because you never got to experience the grand love affair that real couples do, and the ones who ghost never let you see it coming, whereas there's a small chance in a relationship.

If your situation is anything like mine was, there is literally no way you could have imagined being ghosted. The guy in question seemed like he cared, and was there for me every single day after we began talking. We even met in person and called each other boyfriend and girlfriend after he asked me to be official. We never got to see each other after that because of the distance, though I tried to make plans, and then the blocking/ghosting out of nowhere. There was no fight, there was no explanation, he was just gone completely.

I understand that some people go through things internally, too, and they might not feel like sticking around with someone they don't care for anymore. I get that sometimes circumstances change and that you don't want to hurt someone. What I truly don't understand is not having the decency to be honest about those things if they come up. If you don't want to be with someone, just explain to them, and then if they become too angry, or something you can't handle, you have the right to block them. Don't just do it to avoid having a potentially uncomfortable conversation. It is disrespectful and implies that the other person is no longer worth your time or effort.

I don't wish ill on the guy who ghosted me. I truly hope he has a great life, and that he achieves the things he sets out to do. I just wish I could have been there to support him along the way, for at least some time if we wouldn't have lasted. Instead, I don't even get to tell him how proud I am of him whether we would have been together or not when he does have a great life and does great things.

I know we obviously weren't meant to work out, but we were meant to be honest with each other as we promised. I never lied to him, so I wish he wouldn't have lied to me.

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