Because there’s a history. Because there’s a stronger meaning. Because we need to know this history and this meaning. Because these are not just adjectives.
Slurs are words that are intended to do harm and insult as a remark on who someone is in terms of identity, background, abilities, etc. Most slurs are racist, homophobic, sexist, ableist, transphobic, and add to the marginalization of such minority groups. When you are someone who has never been oppressed by a slur, you especially should not feel entitled to use it. Throwing these words around normalizes them, making others think it’s ok to use them, taking away their history. This might sound like a good solution to make these words less harmful, but it reduces the word and the groups of people of whom it marginalizes. Plus, quite frankly, there are no excuses for why you should be using a slur, unless you are part of a specific minority attempting to reclaim it.
Last week a friend of a friend was visiting. At least three times in one night he used the r-slur and each time he was called out, he didn’t even notice or rethink what he had just said. Now, I don’t want to bash the guy completely, some people have truly never been educated. But by the third time, I explicitly told him what he was doing wrong and in an attempt to backpedal he says how he’s from Long Island and everyone there is just rude like that. He says this while three other Long Islanders stand by, three other Long Islanders who are my friends, who I know have never used this slur, one of whom was calling him out with me. So, friend of friend, I say to you again: I’m from Rochester, one of the top cities for crime in New York State, but you don’t see me going around committing theft and murder, using my hometown as an excuse. Get educated and understand why what you’re doing is not okay. Attempt to make a change.
This goes for everyone too. And yeah, sure, I get it, everyone in your school uses slurs as part of their vocabulary. You’ve been surrounded by these words for your whole life. No one ever told you not to say them, or, the only person who told you not to say them was just overreacting so you shouldn’t listen to them. Okay. But consider this. Whatever you learn now, at whatever point of your life you are at, it’s valid. You are constantly learning. It doesn’t matter if you said the n-slur regularly as a kid. You’re an adult and you’ve been an adult for several years now. It’s time you grow up. You don’t need to defend a word that you know is unwarranted.
Another problem within this is people “creating” their own definitions and then saying that makes it okay to use these words. The big issue there is that people don’t automatically know your personal definition, and it doesn’t make the slur any less detrimental. Maybe you and your friends know this definition, but that doesn’t take the cruel power away from the word. If anything it’s much worse since you’re erasing important history by making up your own rules just to say something that seems like taboo. This is not the same as reclaiming. Reclaiming is within an oppressed community who use the slur in a way that empowers the community and faces the pain attached to the slur.
These are not just words that radical social justice warriors like to strap alarms onto just to start fights. These are terms with histories that need to be acknowledged and understood. They need to be seen as more than words. Maybe you’re embarrassed to admit that you did something wrong, but at least reconsider what you did and change your ways, whether they were innocent or not.
