Okay, so it's 2017; finally, after all of the ways 2016 has wronged us, society is looking forward to a clean slate. Ever since the breaking in of the New Year has been celebrated, there has been a certain phenomenon of the "New Year's Resolution"; this is basically another way to highlight starting fresh, and often people set a goal that they will pursue throughout the new year. I've been keeping New Year's Resolutions since I was young; they started out amicable, like saying I would read more books or do better in school, but as I grew up and my heart became bruised and beaten, they changed. In 2014, my resolution was to be the skinniest girl in any room by the start of the summer. I pretended that eating was a chore, and that it only made me tired.
By the end of 2014, I was so thin, but my mind was clouded. I saw a delusion of myself, someone with fat poking out of every corner, bubbling over my too loose jeans and spilling through my t-shirts. I was a girl wrecked by her utter obsession to be thin. All throughout high school, every new year I celebrated, my resolution did not change. The need got worse, and I pushed and pushed until one day, it was too much for me. In the winter before my second semester of senior year began, I made a new resolution; to help myself. I never realized how much pain I had gone through, and how many people I had hurt in the process. I built up walls all around me and sat in the middle of my isolated fort, denying anyone, even the most beautiful of people, access. When I realized that I was standing on a pile of injured bodies, I took a long hard look in the mirror and decided to change. To this day, that one New Year's resolution was all it took to wreck my life, as well as that of those around me. I believe that the New Year is all about celebrating; so love yourself. Don't make your resolution to lose weight without having the confidence to know that you're already beautiful. Remember that everything takes time, and you can't learn a new language or read all of Harry Potter in one day. You may get frustrated, but never seek to beat yourself down about it because it's just you getting into your own head. Take it slow, lose weight healthily, learn a new language gradually, and whatever you do, never stop loving yourself. Never let go of the fact that you aren't just what you want to be; you can never fully be satisfied until you learn to accept and love your beauty. No human is born ugly; there is so much to see and embrace and keep the same. So, lose weight. Learn a new language. Go back to college. Do anything you want but don't do it for anyone else but yourself.
Because that's how you know you love yourself.
And we should never forget that.
