Time has passed and feelings have changed. I no longer crave your body, nor do I crave your mind. The spell of your love has subsided just as our love has. At one point, you were all I ever wanted and imagined. You were my “everything.” But now, you are simply a page in the past I reread from time to time.
It no longer hurts to see you with someone new. My phone ringer is never on anymore, and I am not standing by it waiting to hear from you. My friends no longer ask how we are. It seems my life shows no sign of you. Yet, the fingerprints of our love still remain on my heart, and I wonder if they will ever fade away.
Sometimes I find myself reminiscing on how it felt to be loved by you. You were my comfort zone, my best friend and my presumed other half. Your embrace was the safest place on this earth to me. With your hand in mine, I felt there was nothing I couldn’t conquer. Lying next to you in an unmade bed was my favorite place to spend wasted time. Even writing this, I can feel my stomach start to knot as my chest tightens. Then I remind myself, that has all changed–and I am glad it has.
I don’t miss you. I don’t miss the insignificant and meaningless arguments. I don’t miss how insecure and inadequate you made me feel at times. I don’t miss always second guessing myself and never standing up to you for fear of losing you. I don’t miss constantly being under-appreciated. I don’t miss the way you loved me; I just miss being loved.
There really isn’t anything special about the love you showed me. Come to think of it, it wasn’t that great. So why then, why do I miss us? Well, I miss the feeling of being wanted. I miss the feeling of having someone to come home to. I miss the feeling of knowing I had someone to fall back on other than myself. But that is all I miss. I only miss the feeling.
With the feeling came commitments that I no longer attain. I always had someone to call at night and whisper, “Goodnight, I love you too.” Whenever I wanted to do something, you were almost obliged to come along. A support system beyond my family was always in tact. No matter what news I got, you were always there to listen. For once in my life, I managed to obtain an undivided and endless amount of attention and admiration. But now I am alone, and my “everything” has changed.
I’m still not sure what it is truly like to be loved. What you gave me is only a glimmer of what awaits. At least, I hope there is more out there than what you gave me. Our paths crossed for a moment in time, but they divided once more for a reason. I am a different person now, because your love and losing it changed my perception. However, until a man comes along to show me what love really is, I will constantly find myself sitting alone in the dark of night missing what we used to be. So no, I do not miss you, I just miss what you meant to me at one point in time. And no matter where life takes me, I think a part of me will always miss us.
