A while back, a friend invited a bunch of college-aged girls to come to her home where we sat down with a generous police officer to ask questions and learn some self-defense. It was super cool and casual. We were beating up the officer, she was beating us up, and we learned a lot that day. I found out how to protect myself, scenario to scenario, if I ever needed to. The whole thing was super helpful and I am so very grateful to have learned these things, but I couldn’t help but feel a little bummed out afterwards.
I felt so sad knowing that this is something we have to worry about every day. I looked across the room at my friends and felt terrible knowing that one in six women are abused in some way by men. Those are my friends; I wouldn’t wish that upon anyone.
It crushed me looking at all our mothers sitting there as well, as they knew that when we moved away, they wouldn’t be there to protect us anymore. So there they sat, taking in some information for themselves but watching us in hopes that if the situation ever arose, we would be confident enough in ourselves to overcome it.
I know very well that not all men are malicious and that there are some cruel women out there as well. But, I can’t help but notice that in every example we are taught how to defend ourselves from men. Kick them in the groin, punch them in the Adam’s apple, we’ve heard it all.
As girls become women, we are taught not to talk to strange men.
We are told to wear long sleeves with high necklines and shorts that are as long as our fingertips when our arms are down. We are told to dull ourselves down in order to reduce the attention put on us.
We are taught to not walk alone after dark, but if we have to, to have our hands free and heads up.
We are taught to not make men feel inferior, to not stand up for ourselves.
We are taught that if a boy is mean to us that means they like us.
We are taught to park under well-lit areas in the presence of other cars.
We are taught to hold our key between our pointer and middle finger and to check under and in the backseat before we get in our cars.
The list just goes on.
These things that are constantly repeated in the back of our minds haven’t even crossed the minds of men.
Is there a time in a young man's life when he is sat down, looked in the eyes and taught how to not abuse and take advantage of women? When he is taught what is appropriate and what is not? Why are we not encouraging guidance and help for those showing signs of wrongdoing? Why are there abusers, rapists, and harassers living guilt-free without due punishment?
The biggest question is, why are women preparing and constantly worrying for the worst and why are we not simply teaching men to be responsible of their actions?
Something’s not right here, people.
It’s exhausting to live in a world where we, as women, have to be hesitant and cautious around men. I long to live in a world where I have to be scared of roaming tigers or dinosaurs, not something so similar to myself. Maybe it’s just me here, but I think we should be working on fixing the root of the problem rather than preparing for when it will occur. Until then, I will carry my pepper spray on my key chain and my key between my fingers. Anyone that tries to mess with a strong, prepared woman better know what’s coming to him.
