I don't know where I am going. But hell, I definitely know where I have been.
Obstacle after obstacle has a tendency of making me feel like I am going nowhere at all. One step forward, ten, twenty, thirty, a million steps back. It's like conquering one mountain just to slide down back to the bottom. It hasn't stopped me yet but it has come close. People make mistakes and have gone through hardships and as much as you wish, it isn't worth giving up or into it.
It's like no matter how much I try I get nowhere at all. But I am actually going somewhere- somewhere amazing and beautiful. I don't mean a physical destination like Hawaii or London, England, but a beautiful state of mind and amazing success.
I am told that at my age, you are not supposed to know where I am going to end up, but the anxious mind I have believes otherwise. I feel like I need to know where I am going to be in the next five years, when it is truly impossible to know. I need to have a set plan or I go bonkers. Winging it doesn't work very well with me when it comes to my future. A general idea, maybe, but not a definite, concrete destination. It's easy to make a plan, but it's only a dream, a figment of your imagination until you work hard to make it a reality.
God only knows where I will be in five short years. I could be working my dream job, a mother of multiple children, married, never even finishing school- you just don't know. As much as you hope and pray you can know what will happen even tomorrow, let alone five years from now, it's just not going to happen. You may know that tomorrow you have class from 8:30 a.m.-11:30 a.m., and another class at 12:00 p.m.-1:15 p.m.; but you just don't know what will happen. Yes, you have a schedule and you can follow it down to every last letter, number, and period. But you really don't know what will happen, no matter how hard you try to stay on track.
You could win $1,000,000, meet the love of your life, lose someone so special to you... you just don't know.
And that is sad, but humbling fact of life.
My obstacles can only hold me back so much. While I feel as if I am going a million steps back, I am actually going even more steps forward. With hardship you find growth which is far more valuable than following a schedule and set plan to where you are going. It sucks and is sometimes cruel, but it's a beautiful part of life.
Knowing where you are definitely going in life sounds easy and worthwhile because you feel as if can get everything you ever wanted 100% if you know exactly where you are headed. But is that really the most worthwhile option?
While it may be "easy", chances are it's not going to go 100% your way all the time. That's no way to live life. If you don't live your life on the edge, you are taking up too much space for things to hold you back. You have to take chances in life, even if it strays from your plan.
Sometimes you even have to hear it, even if it's from someone in the same way.
You may not know where you are going in life; that is more than okay. It's a part of life. So sit back, enjoy the scenery- your journey will be worth it.
And when you do get to your destination, when everything beautifully falls into line; you will never be happier.
Yours truly,
The human being without a set destination
