It sounds ridiculous to say, but in a sense it is true -- I do not know how to fail.
Don’t get my wrong; I have failed at a ton of things up to this point in my life. I’ve failed tests, I’ve failed with friendships, I’ve failed at jobs, and the list goes on and on. I have experienced failure, but I don’t know how to handle it.
As we are growing up, we are raised to succeed. We are taught to do well on our homework and tests, to thrive at the sports we are playing, and encouraged to master our creative interests. It isn’t bad that kids are encouraged to challenge themselves and succeed in life, but I think at some point it becomes a little too demanding. I know from my own experience, after being taught that success was the only viable option, it’s hard to deal with any other outcome.
Now, as a 20-year-old, I think this culture of success has caught up with me. I don’t know how to handle failing. I’m afraid to fail, because it doesn’t seem like it is an option. In my head, I know that failure is a part of life. But for some reason, I can't actually apply that knowledge to my life. I constantly want to succeed, which is impossible. For some reason or another, as hard as we might try, failure will happen. At this point in my life, I need to learn that, and to embrace it.
At this point in my life, I need to allow failure to become an accepted part of my life. I am not going to set out to fail a bunch of things, even though that would probably be good for me. Rather, I need to let it happen organically. I think my constant desire for success allows for a great deal of stress and worry. Where I am in my life, though, it is okay not to succeed at everything. I am already at a point where I am not succeeding at a lot of things, and I just need to learn how to be okay with that. Failure happens to us all, and at some point or another, we have to accept it. Hopefully though, failure can help me grow. It has in the past, and that is something I have to remember.
As dumb as it sounds, the fear of failure is something that most certainly holds me back. It makes me anxious to try a new job, because what if I end up failing and get fired? I am afraid to introduce myself to someone, because what if they brush me off? I'm afraid of a lot of thing, but I am especially of failing, and I shouldn’t be. As Richard Yates once said, “If you don’t try anything, you can't fail… it takes back bone to lead the life you want.” Failure might hold me back from small things now, but I don’t want it progressing to the point that it is preventing me from living the life I want.
I can't avoid failing. It has happened to me, and it will continue to happen throughout my life. It's important to remember that I have made it past all my failures up to this point, and I will continue to do so. As much as I don't know how to handle failing right now, I will learn. I don't want it stopping me from pursuing the life I want, and in order to do that, I will have to handle failure.
Failure is inevitable in life. I know that, and I am currently learning to embrace that. I have lived my life in a culture driven by success, but right now I am trying to accept that failure is going to be a part of it. If I want to live my life the way I choose, and pursue new opportunities, I will have to fail sometimes. In the end, I will just have to pick myself back up and try again.
