For those who know me well, I don't think it's a secret that this school term has been impossibly difficult. At times, the likelihood that I would even pass my classes has been slim.
One friend and classmate told me today, “It's such a shame you're struggling so much. You are so smart, it's not right for you to be so behind.” I made some comment about how the burden has been growing all semester and the weight of it is crushing. She suggested that I put the burden down. I equated it with actually just being under a rock. I'm not even holding this burden. My hands are open, clutching nothing. I'm lying beneath my burden, reminiscent of a certain cartoon coyote probably unfamiliar to many of my classmates.
It isn't that I can’t let go of the burden, or that I'm even trying to hang onto it. I'd love to shove it over a cliff and move on. It's simply just too heavy. In the end, my friend and I laughed together at the image of me flattened under the burden I've been carrying. Several weeks ago, I learned not to say that it can't get any worse, because each time I did, something happened to prove me wrong. Today was proof. Not 20 minutes after I told my friend that I'd been flattened by this burden, I got a phone call from the school saying my littlest one was projectile vomiting and I would need to pick him up. "I guess I won't be staying for this statistics lesson," I thought.
One of my professors has advised me on a few occasions, and has been a great support as I struggle to finish the term. A few times, he's given me a passage of scripture to consider. "The Lord will fight for you. You have only to be silent." Exodus 14:14.
Sometimes I wonder if he's telling me that I need to shut up, but he's more direct than that and would actually say it to my face, so, I take it as an encouragement that God is going to get me through this difficult time. Today, as I pulled up this verse, I was drawn to the surrounding passage, and I realized there are a few things here regarding how we should respond when the burden seems so heavy that we can no longer even lift it.
What is it that God wants us to do?
1. Don't freak out.
I recall reading something another individual wrote about this passage, including verse 13: "And Moses said to the people, 'Fear not, stand firm, and see the salvation of the Lord, which he will work for you today, for the Egyptians whom you will see today, you shall never see again.'"
God doesn't want us to panic when we become burdened. If we've placed our trust in Him, we should be able to rest in His peace. The promise that God is going to keep us safe in the palm of His hand brings great reassurance. I've said more than once, "At least I know I will still have Jesus even if I flunk out."
2. Don't complain.
In verse 14, God tells Moses to tell the people to "be silent," and in verse 15, asks him, "Why do you cry to me?"
I don't believe that these verses are telling us not to cry out to God at all. I know that He wants to hear from me when I'm burdened, but I also know that sometimes when the burden is too heavy, you can barely breathe enough to get any real words out. So, even when I don't have words to speak, I know that the Lord is fighting for me. When we're told to be silent, I'm reasonably sure it means we're not supposed to complain to God about our circumstances. Just because He allows things to happen doesn't mean He's the cause. We shouldn't cry out as if already defeated.
3. Keep moving forward.
One of the hardest things to do when you become flattened by a burden is to keep going. There's a tendency to want to curl up in a ball, pull the covers over your head and just wait out the storm. The problem with that is sometimes curling up in a ball and waiting it out doesn't really help anything. If a tornado were passing through my front yard and I curled up in a ball on the grass, what good would that do? I don't remember where I read the article, but an author suggested people often quote verse 13 saying “stand firm,” and take it as an indication they should just wait on the Lord. He said that we should pay special attention to verse 15: "The LORD said to Moses, 'Why do you cry to me? Tell the people of Israel to go forward.'"
Keep moving forward. The passage was originally written to Israel as they were being pursued by the Pharaoh and the Egyptian army. They were standing on the edge of the Red Sea, terrified, asking Moses why he brought them to the desert to die. God made a way for Israel to escape the Egyptian army. At the moment that Moses was crying out to God, Israel couldn't see the way He had made, because God had not yet revealed it. God knew. If, when Moses lifted up his staff and the waters were parted, Israel just stood there, would it have mattered that God made a way? When God made a way for Israel to cross the Red Sea, He didn't just transport them to the opposite shore. They weren't “beamed” to safety, re-materializing across the sea. They had to keep going.
Would that I could curl up in a ball at the edge of the sea and wait for God to take care of everything for me! But, He's not going to do my homework. He's not going to stay up all night, caring for my sick children while I sleep. He's not going to clean up the bedding of my sick little boy, but He will be with me while I do those things.
4. He will work for you.
Early in the term, though I began to feel burdened, I felt that it was something I could manage. The burden has now reached the point where I realize that it's completely up to God to salvage this lost term. Let's look back at verse 13: “And Moses said to the people, 'Fear not, stand firm, and see the salvation of the Lord, which he will work for you today...'"
Verse 29 tells us: "But the people of Israel walked on dry ground through the sea, the waters being a wall to them on their right hand and on their left."
Though the waters are looming around and above me, the ground beneath me is dry, and I'm making progress. It doesn't mean that I don't recognize the potential that I could be swallowed up in this sea if God didn't hold back the waters (His holding them back has come in the form of grace given to me on the part of my instructors). Only God can move their hearts to offer the amount of grace I've required this term. In the same way that God did the work for Israel, He is doing the work for me now. As a result, I trust that I will finish this term with a much better standing than I deserve.
5. Praise Him for His mighty work.
Though they grumbled at first, Israel praised God when the work was done. That doesn't mean I'm singing a merry tune as I skip across the way that God is making, as if this is a piece of cake and that God is obligated to work this out in my favor. I don't believe the people of Israel sang or skipped along, either. That doesn't mean I can't praise God in the middle of the mess. I do. Singing helps me keep going. The songs just don't happen to have a joyous feel at the moment. Moses and the people sang after they reached the other side of the sea, after the threat was neutralized, after they had taken the path God had made for them. It was at that point that the people rejoiced. They sang, "I will sing to the Lord, for He has triumphed gloriously; the horse and his rider He has thrown into the sea." Exodus 15:1
The entire chapter continues as a song to the greatness of God and the mighty works He performed.
6. Understand that God allows trials to increase our faith.
When I began to struggle, I asked my professor if it seemed that maybe getting this degree wasn't what God had planned for me. He said that he couldn't say that with any certainty, because God had made it so very clear during my first term that I was exactly where He wanted me. In verse 11, the Israelites said to Moses: "Is it because there are no graves in Egypt that you have taken us away to die in the wilderness?"
The presence of difficulty didn't mean they were in the wrong place at the wrong time. The difficulty was an opportunity for them to place their trust in their God, an opportunity for God to reveal Himself to them and an opportunity for others to see the glory of God as He made a way.
"Israel saw the great power that the LORD used against the Egyptians, so the people feared the LORD, and they believed in the LORD and in his servant Moses."
Now, I realize that I'm no different than Israel. God delivered them from slavery under the Egyptians. He wanted them to flee. He wanted them on the shore of the Red Sea. Likewise, God did not bring me to Cairn University just so He could watch me fail my second term. He's giving me an opportunity to put my trust in Him. Through this He is revealing Himself to me. Ultimately, it is my hope that His glory will be revealed to onlookers.
He has promised to be with me and to fight for me. I have only to keep moving forward.
