“Don’t depend too much on anyone in this world.
“A strong woman is one who is able to smile this morning like she wasn’t crying last night.”
Quotes like these and articles that say, "Why you should never depend on anyone but yourself," always stuck with me. I have to be independent. I can’t put my burdens on anyone else. No one can help me. We live in a culture where we are taught to be “independent.” We live in a culture where everyone wants and thinks that they should have their life all put together. So, that is who I became. At least, on the outside.
If you look at my life, you will see perfection. I live in my perfect house with my perfect family consisting of a mom, a dad, and a younger sister. My parents do not argue and they do not pressure me to do or be anything that I do not want to be. My sister and I get along fairly well, with the exception of some bickering. I always got straight A’s in high school (except for one class senior year) and I go to a top-notch University that allows me to have all kinds of opportunities at my fingertips. I have a great church community, a good amount of friends at school, and an extremely close-knit group of friends at home. I am normally always smiling (except for my RBF) and if you look through my Facebook pictures, my Instagram pictures, or my Snapchat stories, you can see all of this and conclude that technically I have everything.
So, now you ask, what could possibly be wrong?
The answer is so much.
I have held so strongly onto the idea of independence, of not coming off as needy, that I became the queen of seeming perfect. I took so much pride in keeping to myself, yet asking others to open up.
No matter how broken I felt inside, I never told anyone. I forgot how to open up and talk about how I am doing. I forgot how to cry when I really needed to. I forgot that living is sharing your life with people. I forgot what it means to hurt with people, to know that people care, which ultimately led to isolation and loneliness. It led to loneliness from feeling like nobody understands and loneliness from thinking that no one cares.
I kept it locked up tightly until the lock burst open. When it did burst open, I had someone patiently listen to me, tell me that she went through the same thing, and reassure me that she completely knows how I feel. Even in when I felt all alone away from home, even when I thought that I was the only one feeling these things, even when I didn’t think that I had people who cared about me in this foreign place called college, someone was there. This was a moment of freedom and healing.
Even with my home friends, when they share their struggles with me despite being hundreds of miles away, when they tell me about the things that make them happy or how they feel empty, lonely, or broken, I can almost 100 percent understand them. I can feel their sadness in my own heart and feel their excitement in my own heart. Most of the time, I just scream: “I understand what you mean!” Moments like these help me remember that what makes our human experience worthwhile is the fact that we have each other.
I still struggle with the need to be independent. I still I believe that I shouldn’t need anyone. I still just want to create the façade of being perfect and convince myself, along with the world, that everything is okay. However, dependence does not mean that you are weak. Needing someone does not mean that you are incapable. People can't be perfect for you, but that doesn't mean that you should do everything yourself.
Saying you are hurting is OK. Asking someone to be there for you is OK.
So, don’t be afraid to depend on someone. Don’t be afraid to open up because someone out there is struggling in the same way that you are. There is someone who is dying to tell you that they understand you 100 percent. Someone out there cares for you more than you would like to believe. There are people running this race of life with you. You don’t have to do this life alone.
