If you ask little kids what they want to be when they grow up, most of them have a pretty quick answer. Doctor, astronaut, musician, teacher — their possibilities are endless, and they know it. Obviously, most of these early plans don’t end up coming to reality, but they at least have an idea of what they want in their future.
When I was a kid, I knew exactly what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wanted to be a writer. There was a short period of time when I wanted to be a marine biologist — a dream that faded after I realized that I just wanted to swim with dolphins — but other than that, I always have wanted to write.
I still do want to write. I love words, and I love the infinite possibilities that come from weaving them around each other to make something beautiful. But, unfortunately, what I didn’t know as a kid is that simply writing for a living is an extremely difficult, almost impossible, way to survive. There are lots of possibilities for what I can pursue with my degree after graduation, but quite frankly, I have no idea what I want to do. Publishing? Teaching? Graduate school? An entirely different career path that I haven’t thought of yet? I don’t have the answers.
Not knowing scares me. I like to have a plan and I don’t do well with unknowns. The last few months, as I have been exploring my options for post-graduate life, I’ve felt stress and feelings of inadequacy that have weighed heavy on my mind and heart almost every day. Sometimes it seems like everyone has it all figured out but me.
But, lucky for me, that simply isn’t true. Early 20-somethings shouldn’t have to have it all figured out! How can we? We’ve only lived a tiny fraction of the whole of our lives! It’s unrealistic and unfair to put pressure on ourselves to know everything and have our lives planned out.
I don’t have my life or my future all figured out, and I’m learning to deal with that reality. If you are in the same boat I’m in — don’t despair! You’re not alone. One day I’m going to figure everything out, and you will too. Maybe not everything. But at least something.
