I have high school friends all across the country. I have new college friends surrounding me. Yet, when I go home for breaks, this is reversed. Suddenly, I'm back with old friends and my new ones have returned to their homes across the country.
When I look through the contacts in my phone I see an alphabetized mix of friends from middle school, high school and college. There are camp friends and church friends. I have friends who are older and a few who are younger, and not one of them is my best friend.
I hate the label "best friend" because I refuse to label one of my friends as "better" than the rest. Sure, some are closer. Some have been my friend for longer. Some have been there for me during hard times. Some make me laugh harder than I think I can. Some seem to know me better than I know myself. But what makes these qualities worthy of being better than others? Is there some kind of mathematical formula that I can put all of these variables into and churn out a best friend?
That doesn't seem fair or even very nice. Why should I be ranking my friends? I don't feel as if I have the power to do that and, even if I did, I wouldn't want to.
Why not? Because, as a friend, I understand that I have strengths that I bring to relationships. When I am friends with you I will keep your secrets. I will try to make you laugh. I will care about you and how your day is going. I also understand that I have shortcomings. I am often neurotic about making plans. I am impatient. I can be obnoxious.
Which of these strengths and shortcomings qualify or disqualify me to be your best friend? Why is it that I naturally click more with some friends than others? Why do I feel as if some friends that I have met in the past four months know me better than people who I've known for the past four years? Why do some friends pull out my goofy side and others make me more serious?
The answer to those questions is all the same: I don't know. I have no idea, but I have decided that it is not important.
What's important is that I have been fortunate enough to find those friends--the ones who can get me to do ridiculous things, the ones who I know would be by my side in an instant if I needed them, the ones who will travel to see me and be happy to welcome me when I visit them, and the ones who have put me above themselves. Each of these statements does not apply to every single friend that I have, but each one can be applied to multiple friends.
I consider myself blessed to not have a best friend. Because there is no one person who that label is tied to, I am free to have close friends who I love dearly and who show me that same love back. That, to me, is much more important than a "bestie."
