Dear Mom,
Over the years, you have given me a great deal of advice. Some sound, "Make sure your tire pressure is good" and some not so sound, "You aren't old enough to shave your legs!" (I was 12. They needed to be shaved.)
Most often, your advice came at transitional times. Middle school, when I started dating, disappointing situations, and when I began an independent life. I am here today to recycle your advice to me, and hand it back to you at this scary and confusing time in your life. I'm not trying to be condescending, but I don't know how else to get these words to you. I just want you to sit back and absorb all your own words.
"Don't ever depend on a man." This not only includes financially, but emotionally. Only you are going to make you happy, and placing your happiness into the hands of a man is dangerous. Learn to be self sufficient and content with what you can give to yourself. These words have pushed me over and over again through the years, stretching to be independent and overachieving. You will gain a high self worth and struggle less with what the future holds if you value yourself as an independent woman.
"Stop spending your money." I can't think of how many times you said this to me at the mall, or in a store. Your "mom guilt" almost always overwhelmed me enough to put things back on shelves and keep money in my pocket. Things are just things, and buying "stuff" won't fill whatever void may be lingering. It's an easy quick fix but can lead down a dark path of Gap credit cards with 22.5 percent interest. Right now, all you have to do is keep your head above water, and getting into money concerns always compounds any residual pain that is still lingering. Save it for a rainy day, or in case your car breaks down.
"It's OK to be 'seaweed.'" When I was auditioning for plays and didn't make the lead, you would always tell me "well, someone has to be seaweed — someone has to be the random guy on the right." While I don't expect you to be trying out for the local production of "The Little Mermaid," I do expect you to take a backseat to drama here and there. Let someone else have their moment. It is OK to let others drive and have the spotlight shine on them. It's actually stress relieving and nice to not carry all the pressure on your own back. It allows you to be a supporting role, which is nice, because then others won't notice as much when you miss your line. It also allows you to take some risks and have some fun (like when the crew of Cinderella changed the clock to say 13 instead of midnight). Allow yourself to not be under so much pressure.
"Just do your best. That's all I'm asking." This part of your life sucks. I know things are not even close to how you expected them to be, and a divorce is the last thing that you wanted. All anyone can ask of you is to keep trying but still do the very best that you can. Keep moving forward, and keep pushing. Wake up everyday and be motivated — especially when you don't want to. If you can do that now, you will look back and not regret this time, because you know you did the best that you could.
"Wear deodorant!" Seriously. I'm kidding. But don't forget to take care of yourself. It is important to remember how beautiful you are — inside and out.
Look mom — You are an extraordinary person, deserving of love and kindness. You will be okay.
You are doing great.
Love,
Your Daughter
