This week I took a cruise with my family; amongst all the alcohol, beaches, and karaoke, there was a shocking amount of positive discourse concerning a variety of topics. At one point, I generalized the group as “you guys”, at which point I apologized and said “y’all” in its place. Now my family generally swings socially liberal, and that goes for each and every one of them whether they’d like to admit it or not. However, when this slip of the tongue broached the topic of political correctness, the room was split - things were said and voices were raised. At some point, I was called, with a negative connotation, a “SJW” (social justice warrior), and at the end of the discussion, not much progress was made.

Currently at the forefront of pop culture and politics, political correctness has been woven into a narrative that says people can’t take a joke, that they’re too soft, and that they shouldn’t be offended by things the speaker doesn’t think are offensive. While most people call it political correctness, a more accurate label would likely be personal sensitivity. It’s not about looking at things YOU would or wouldn’t be offended by, and applying those preconceived notions onto another individual, but rather recognizing that you don’t know what exactly the person you’re interacting with has been through. Furthermore you don’t know the reality that they live in and how it was formed. Take the word “guys” for example, one of my family members said verbatim that it is defined as, “a group of people”. Now this very general definition seems antithetical to the word “guys”, which although culturally used to refer to a group, is derived from a word that means solely male. Now, I would agree that society flagrantly uses “guys” to refer to groups composed of multiple genders, but that doesn’t make it ok. Let’s not forget that not long ago the words “lame” and “gay” were being used to call something stupid. But to a more important point who’s to decide non-males shouldn’t be offended when they’re called male?

I’m not offended by much. I was picked on relentlessly in middle school and to a lesser degree early in my high school years; I grew up in a family that utilized sarcasm as a way to show affection and love (not to mention as a coping mechanism). However, that doesn’t mean that everyone grew up that way. It’s not about being what conservatives call “tough” but it’s about being accepting of experiences of the people you talk to, realizing that maybe they had trauma in their life, or even just grew up a different way that makes what you call an “edgy joke” a trigger point for them. If we follow a path that says the speakers experiences control what is or isn’t offensive, then a dangerous precedent is set. After all, who’s to say what is offensive and what isn’t? Who’s in charge of creating that litmus test? Is there just no line? Do suddenly rape jokes become ok around victims of sexual assault? Do suicide jokes become ok to make around a mother who’s lost her son? A lot of people, myself included, would say that these jokes are not ok under any circumstances, but that’s the next iteration of a world where the speaker becomes in charge of deciding what you get to be offended by. No individual has the right to decide what is hurtful, harmful, triggering, or offensive to another person.

To a different kind of rationalization, one of my family members said, “Why would you make enemies where you don’t have to.” This to me seems secondary to caring about the experiences of people you interact with, but a logical point none the less. Alienating people under the thought that they shouldn’t be offended by what you say only puts you at a disadvantage in engaging with that person the next time. Whether it’s a co-worker, a family member, or a significant other, disregarding their thoughts and feelings probably isn’t a good way to go about having positive or constructive interactions.

I’m not angry with people who say “you guys”, make edgy jokes, or use other terms that could get labeled offensive. But if I haven’t had a discussion about it with that person before, than yeah, I might correct them and when they ask why I did, attempt to convey the idea of personal sensitivity in a meaningful way. I promise that in doing so I am not trying to push (what my grandpa would call) hippie ideology on you, but rather, as my goal is with most political issues, try and show a different angle you might not have seen or considered before. That’s all I can ask for and at that point it’s up to each individual to build their own well-informed opinion on the issue. Obviously, you are free to disagree with me, as I’m sure lots of people including my own family do, and that’s fine. But I’m going to continue to work on my own rhetoric because I honestly believe that words can have a profound effect on people.