Why do people feel pressured to fit in? Is it the media, broadcasting images of idealized standards? Or is it individuals that influence our views? As children, it can be easy to befriend anyone. But as time goes on, we feel the need to hide ourselves, to put on masks of societal conformity and go through the motions to avoid being judged or singled out. The public education system becomes a copy machine, monotonously spurting out the same template of a person over and over again. Diversity becomes scarce, and is often ridiculed. But what makes this happen?

It was fourth grade. The first day of school, a different location under a program intended for gifted students. My hair was adorned with a sparkly barrette, and I was wearing a silky pink blouse, a denim skirt, and bright fuchsia boots. I shuffled timidly into the room, scanning the clustered groups for a friendly face. But all I found were snickers and stares, and laughter at the way I carried myself. It seemed that over the summer, everyone had decided that they were suddenly ‘grown up,’ and so the only acceptable behavior was to act like ‘Mean Girls’ rejects, clad in tight Aeropostale clothing and holding the newest cell phones. Apparently pink was not an acceptable clothing color; and you had to be good at sports and appear nonchalant. At that age, the closest thing I owned to a cell phone was my Nintendo DS, most of my clothing was from what my mom and I had selected from consignment shops, and I was much more interested in spending time on the internet than I was in playing a sport.

I learned quickly that I didn’t fit in. Aside from feeling self-conscious it wasn’t much of a problem, until I realized that I had no friends. I reached out to some of the girls in my class, but each day they would mold me more and more to be like them and less like me. They convinced me to complete sordid ‘missions’ in order to be friends with them. Whenever I finished a task they would laugh at my guilt, tell me it wasn’t enough, and make me do something else. They would shun me if I failed to meet their standards, and I became so obsessed with gaining their approval that my grades started to drastically fall behind. I was also constantly in trouble, my mom having received angry calls from some of the other parents. By Christmas break I had to return to my home school, as I was failing two of my subjects and did not meet the requirements to stay in the gifted program.

It was nice to see my old peers again, and I brought my grades back up, but I had a newfound wariness. I stayed extremely self-conscious. I only made decisions if I thought it would gain others’ acceptance. In other words, I was miserable. And for a long time, I remained that way.

Five new schools, a new state, and a new house later, and here I am. I’ve learned so much, and I’ve stopped caring about what other people think. So why do we feel pressured to fit in? As humans, we crave acceptance, we want to feel like we matter to other people. In our minds, that’s what it takes to be happy. But unfortunately, that’s just not the case. It doesn’t take the newest clothes to be content, nor does it take the approval of people who aren’t really your friends. The only approval you need is your own, and the right people will come later. True happiness and acceptance will only come after you accept yourself.

In summation, maybe you’re a giant nerd. Maybe you have colorful niche interests. Whatever the case, don’t be ashamed of who you are, or you’ll end up regretting it. If there’s one thing I could change about my past, it would be to always make choices for me, and to never act differently just because others expect me to.