Yes, I'm an English major. But why does it follow that you (the uninformed acquaintance asking me about school) automatically assume I am going to teach? It's not that I am against teaching; in fact, I am proud to say I do intend to become a teacher. But to say that I must be intending to teach is both presumptive and degrading to the profession of teaching, and degrading to the worth of an English major.

The fact is, there are two big issues I have with this awful question. First, the fact that teaching is apparently the only realistic career expectation English majors should have according to the general populace. Second, the idea that teaching is in itself nothing special as far as occupations go, and that if you are a teacher, you are by our society's standards ordinary, and largely unsuccessful. Honestly, the question is as insulting as the phrase, "Those who can't, teach."

But let me address these assumptions and tear down their reasoning effectively.

English majors are not just people who want to talk about books or try to write them for the rest of their lives. English majors have an appreciation of the humanities in general, and a desire to cultivate strong literacy, style, syntax and grammar in those who let themselves be influenced by a proud Grammar Nazi. English majors want to encourage reading in all its noble forms, whether it is a novel or a scientific journal. We believe there is a book out there for everyone. And we are not just teachers. We are also inventors of entirely new worlds, like J.K. Rowling, or influencers of society, like politicians. English majors, more than anyone, understand the power of the written word, both for the wielder and those who feel its effects. English majors are often the most flexible and able to translate their degree into something pertinent and useful. Some extremely successful exemplars include:

1. Steven Spielberg

2. Martin Scorsese

3. Alan Alda

4. Chevy Chase

5. James Franco

6. Joan Cusack

7. Stephen King

8. Conan O'Brien

9. Sally Ride

10. Diane Sawyer

11. Paul Simon

That brief list encompasses directors, musicians, talk show hosts, journalists, authors, producers, comedians, professors, screenwriters and even an astronaut. Some of those people hold multiple positions and claims on success, including renowned awards. An English major proves their degree useful like any other college graduate does - by using it! There is no more useful tool than a grasp on the human mind through literature, and human communication through the means of language. An English major is sure to have learned a bit of history, philosophy, sociology, politics and ethics just by reading the 300+ books they've encountered over the course of their studies. So no, they are not just grammar monkeys, or your proofreading pals.

As for teachers, they deserve more than your disinterest and contempt. Teachers are anything but ordinary. In fact, I would call them the superheroes of our day, and one of the rare groups outside of religious life still familiar with the rewards of sacrifice, discipline and standards. Let me give all of you a reality check. As the people who will spend more time influencing and forming the minds of future generations, even more so than the parents of these generations. I know that I spent more time at school than I did at home during the majority of my formative years, and as a result, my biggest influencers had teachers at the top of my list. Because of this, we should be enormously concerned with who we have educate. It should not just be those we dub 'incapable of doing.' Teachers should be the most capable of 'doing,' as they are the ones that teach us how to 'do.' Maybe our lack of respect for teachers is to blame for our current global standings in education. Honestly, they are shameful. The United States is currently the 30th country in mathematics, 23rd in science and 20th in literacy. This is not standing by our kids; this is willful negligence, brought on by disrespect and devaluation of the teacher. Teachers are as accountable for our society as politicians and should be held accountable. So we should respect more and expect more out of them.

Honestly, today we have too many teachers who do not brighten the minds of kids with knowledge, or are unable to make their eyes light up in understanding. For the amount of time spent with them, more evidence should show their life-changing impact. Teachers should have our respect because of the good they can affect, if only they are worthy of their title.

Though you say it like it's a bad thing, you unimportant acquaintance, yes, I am going to teach, and I think as an English major, I am most certainly up to the herculean task.

So really, thanks for asking.