Always laughing. Always smiling.
It seems so easy, but it's so hard in actuality. You see me walking around, smile on my face, laughing at jokes my friends tell me, always eager to strike up a conversation. But on the inside, my body is screaming at me to sit and cry about the stuff that happened that day, or to get mad at the friend that blew me off last night. But I don't, because I don't feel that need for my feelings to be public. Let me explain.
I'm the type of person that hates to show the weak sides of me. While I'm the girl that tells all my friends that it's okay to get angry, and to cry when times are rough, I feel that it's a weakness solely for me. I desire to be that strong backbone for everyone around me, whenever they may need me. My mom instincts are always on full power, and I never let my guard down. I'd rather sit and listen to people then to sit and talk about myself. Please don't take this as a lack of self confidence, because in many ways, I have a ton of it.
When bad things happen to me, my insides throw around all sorts of feelings, but I can guarantee you that they won't show on the outside. I take that emotion and I put it in a bottle, cap it, and let it sit inside me. There comes a point when I have so many bottles, that I don't know what to do, and my body just explodes, with a sea of emotions and feelings, and you better hope you aren't around when it happens.
I'm not saying that this is super healthy for my well-being, or that you should totally do what I do, but I'm saying this so you know and understand. I'm not opening up to you because I don't trust you, or because you wouldn't understand, it's because I want to remain that strong image, and to always seem happy. So please don't constantly ask me how I'm doing, or ask me what's wrong multiple times during one of my breakdowns, because I probably won't tell you, and you need to be okay with that. I need you to be that strong backbone for a second, and help me to realize that I still am strong and beautiful and smart, but only for that second. Don't ask what's going on in my head, or try to comprehend it, just give me a hug, say a compliment, or offer to hangout. Please. It may seem small and pointless, but in my eyes it does so much.
