Before anyone goes berserk and starts screaming “off with his head,” I want it known that Trump’s Nazi inclination isn’t entirely a bad thing. Nazis achieved some amazing things. Some examples? Nazis built one hell of an amazing war machine infrastructure. Nazis stole curated some of the world’s greatest art collections. Nazis made giant leaps forward in various fields of science, including eugenics. Just tell me those aren’t some amazing accomplishments!

What about Donald? Since most people with a single iota of intelligence seek to distance themselves from anything resembling Hitler’s brand of National Socialism, we’ll have to dig a bit deeper, but, believe me, the writing on the wall is still plain to see. Trump and Steve Bannon are BFFs, a fact so well known that even Jon Snow knows. Most would shun being buds with an alleged white supremacist, but Trump’s such a cool guy (the coolest), he’s welcoming of people that others find appalling. The two hang out and do all sorts of crazy things. The smoking gun, however, is the below photo of Trump, an image acquired by a super-secret source of mine that shall remain nameless.

Speaking of Trump and Nazis doing amazing things, what about the wall our POTUS promises to erect along our Southern border? Trump’s so freaking magnanimous, that he’s going to give us a wall to help protect us from things that go bump in the night. Reminds me of those concentration fun camps constructed for those people that threatened the Nazis way of life back in the 1930s and 1940s. And just like the Nazis before him, Trump will make his country great again! That’s why Trump is the GOAT! There’s never been a person able to Nazi like him, believe me.

Trump’s blatant prejudices shouldn’t be an issue either. I mean, just like the song says, everyone IS a little bit racist. So, is unser amerikanischer Führer marginalizing groups based on (and not just) ethnicity a substantial problem? As a business owner, the great one should retain every right to not rent to anyone, even people of color. Who wants Mexicans in our country anyway? And those refugees? They might bomb-packing terrorists, so let’s just safely assume that every last one of them is crucial threat to national security. Ignore that our ancestors were once immigrants in pursuit of better lives from oppressive situations.

Besides, it’s just science that Caucasians are superior, so it’s not racism. Coined by esteemed philosopher Christoph Meiners, the term “Caucasian” originates with the academic and highly reliable scientific assertion that “white people” are GOAT (just not a Trump level of being GOAT). This information is absolutely and irrevocably beyond any scrutiny, and has held up in celestial tribunals. Don’t go digging. Just accept it, polish your boots, and practice marching along with an exaggerated goose step.

APRIL FOOLS! I was just bullshittin’! If you haven’t realized that this is all a joke by now, you deserve the look of scorn Smokey is giving just above this paragraph. Whether or not President Trump is, in reality, any of the things my FAKE ARTICLE claims, I was inspired to concoct this after my prodigious and fellow Odyssey contributor, Tunde Aduroja, crafted a fictitious offering of failed Odyssey article titles.

Disclaimer: This article is intended only as a humorous piece of entertainment. Any claims, allegations and images are solely reflections of popular myths and opinions. This article’s inspiration was born of a sensitivity to popular culture and a desire to engage readers on April Fools Day. Any semblance of events described in this article to factual events is purely coincidental.

Just to reiterate, this article is predominantly fictitious. I wrote it while sipping on way too much coffee while wearing only a robe and some Superman slippers. I hope it either gave you a chuckle or, possibly, even fanned the flames of anger. In any case, I hope you all have an amazing April 1^st.