As I scroll through social media, I've noticed a bombardment of content concerning violence and disrespect against women of all ages. Then I came across a powerful video released by the Australian Government discussing, not just male violence against women, but the fact that this behavior is a result of society's influence on children both male and female.
What stands out in this video is that this behavior is learned. When we tell girls that "He's mean because he likes you," it teaches her that any attention both positive and negative is good. It also teaches boys that it is acceptable to behave aggressively and disrespectfully.
Several of the situations popping up online concern young girls in K-12 who are being sexually harassed by their male peers as well as staff. What disturbs me is that when these girls make an effort to defend themselves in school, they are punished for their actions, such as a young girl who punched a boy after he repeatedly snapped her bra in class. In this situation, the boy's behavior was considered childish teasing that the girl was told to ignore. The situation was only addressed when it escalated to violence. Like the girl's mother, I was startled by the fact that the principal, teachers, and authorities seemed more concerned with her daughter's behavior rather than the boy's. Was it not repetitive harassment that pushed her to violence? If they were older this situation would have played out differently because the boy's actions would be treated as sexual harassment. But how will he know that this behavior is unacceptable when he's older if those in authority justify his actions?
Children need to know what respect looks like, and they learn what it is from watching those that they look up to: parents, siblings, leaders or friends. We need to be that positive example and we need so stop justifying abuse as a sign of affection. Rather, we should be teaching girls that if he loves her, he will respect her both verbally and physically. The same logic applies to men as well because abuse can go both ways. They need to know that chivalry isn't dead, and it's not just a quality for men.
There is no grey area in this situation, we need to change the rhetoric that we teach children when it comes to respecting one another. In doing so, we need to keep in mind that they are watching us and looking to us as an example of what this looks like. Because the long term step in putting a stop to domestic violence is by raising a generation that knows the difference between affection and abuse.
