Domestic Violence. When those two words are put together, they make for a scary combination.The dictionary defines it as “acts of violence or abuse against a person living in one’s household, especially a member of one’s immediate family” (dictionary.com). But this isn’t always the case. Sometimes domestic violence is experienced by those who aren’t related to their abuser. These people are often ignored or forgotten about, because they don’t fit the victim stereotype. I wanted to make these people the focus of my article so I can bring them at least some of the attention that they deserve. I am referring to college women.
While I will not be mentioning any details, I recently witnessed someone close to me (a college woman) experience domestic violence.This does not make me an expert on the subject, but it does give me some firsthand knowledge and credibility. This experience was not easy for anyone involved, including myself, but I am thankful for all that it taught me. I compiled a short list of my new knowledge on the topic of domestic violence. While the list doesn’t completely sum up this major issue taking place on college campuses across the country, I hope that it sheds some light on it and makes people realize that something needs to be done.
It’s more common than you think. While statistics differ from campus to campus, most surveys done on college campuses (pertaining to dating and domestic violence) show that roughly 20 percent of college women are in or were in an abusive relationship.That means about 1 in 5 of the girls you know and friends you have could be or were victims of this heinous crime.
There is no stereotype when it comes to who can be a victim. Some people believe that in order to be a victim, you have to have certain personality traits.These traits include obvious self-esteem issues, problems with making and keeping friends, shyness, being a member of a lower social class, a lack of closeness to one’s family, and more. My point is that there is no stereotype. It can happen to ANYONE. A victim can be rich, poor, smart, beautiful, confident, shy, naive, aware, anything. Basically, you or any of the people in your life could be a victim of domestic violence, even at the young ages of 18-22.
There is no stereotype when it comes to who can be an abuser. They can seem like a completely nice and normal person, or they can seem standoffish and strange. There is no way of knowing who could or could not be an abuser. That is why there’s no way of predicting who will be a victimized.
There are multiple types of abuse. The three types are verbal, physical, and sexual. The victim might only experience one of these or all three at once. Verbal abuse involves the abuser calling the victim harsh names and saying things that make them feel terrible about themselves. Physical abuse is probably the type of abuse you most commonly think about when you hear the words domestic violence. It involves any type of physical harm.The third type is probably the least well-known; sexual abuse. Even if the people are dating, it is still possible for them to experience sexual abuse. This involves the victim being forced to do anything sexual that they don’t want to do.
They aren’t always easy to recognize, but there are signs that someone you know is in an abusive relationship. I know there are more than I can list, but I will name the ones I witnessed myself.
- She is becoming more and more distant.
- When things with her boyfriend are good they are REALLY good, and when they’re bad, they’re REALLY bad.
- She seems more irritable and becomes upset more easily.
- She is at her boyfriend’s beck and call.
- She is always defending her boyfriend.
- She has random bruises on her body, which she always have an excuse for.
- She is very emotional.
- Their relationship is very on and off.
- She always hangs out with their boyfriend alone, never with friends.
- Her boyfriend doesn’t care about getting to know her friends.
- You have a bad vibe from him overall (always trust your instincts).
- She immediately forgives him.
- She blames herself for their fights.
- She puts up with some bad things that she actually tells you about (cheating, blowing her off, etc.).
If you recognize these signs, you MUST do something about it. Your friend will not want you to do this, but it’s completely and totally necessary. First, talk to them, and see if they’ll open up about it. This may or may not happen, but either way, your next move is to go to the police. Your friend might try to stop you. They’ll beg you not to go. They might tell you that they hate you over and over again, but no matter what, it’s worth it. Best case scenario, your friend’s abuser gets put in jail for a long time, and she completely moves on. Worst case scenario, he goes free and she goes back to him. Either way, you get to know that you did what you could. You tried to pull them out of the abuse and it either worked or it didn’t. You can’t blame yourself for trying, and you can never blame your friend for going back to him. She needs you, and you need to keep doing what you can.
In the case of my friend, things ended somewhere in-between. Her abuser is not in jail because of a lack of evidence, but even though that is frustrating, I can completely accept it. I can accept this because I have my friend back. I also have the satisfaction of knowing that each and every night, she is going to bed safe and sound. I have peace of mind and I worry less and less each day. I don’t see her cry like she used to. Even though she still deals with the trauma of her relationship daily, she is so much stronger than she was before, and I know she’ll never make the same mistake again. So if you or friend are in this situation as a young college student, don’t feel like you’re alone. Don’t sit there and think that you or your friend could never get out of the situation you’re currently in. It is possible, and it’s imperative that you do something. The right thing to do and the hard thing to do are usually the same thing.
