I was up last night thinking about what I was going to write about this week, usually my ideas come to me earlier in the week, but I literally had nothing. I put on a movie and decided to relax for a bit. Movie of choice? Bad Moms. As a mom to a 3-year-old I can relate to the content of the movie.

Being a mom, these days is difficult. It’s filled with tons of moments of thinking, “I have no idea what I’m doing.” Or “Is it ok if I let my kid do that? I have no idea.” Tons of questions and the only to get the answers is try out the methods you deem appropriate and see what the results are. It’s not easy, I mean being a mom is based on gut instinct or a mother’s intuition and it’s not always right.

If most of you moms are like me you look to your own mother for advice, because hey, why not? She raised you, right? I remember when I was pregnant with my son. My mom told me all this great advice but turns out that the majority of what she told me didn’t work. My son was difficult, and I had to learn what worked for him. Not all kids are the same.

It’s not like when you have your child the doctor gives you a manual to go by. I mean it’s another human being that is equipped with a brain and thoughts and emotions all their own.

And the mom guilt! That’s definitely a thing. I question myself all the time as a mom. Should I let my child eat that? Should they be allowed to watch this? Does he spend too much time watching TV? The list of questions goes on and on. My kid isn’t even in school yet, so I can imagine the added stress that will come with that.

I have those days where it’s just too much to have this little person constantly needing me for something. I’m his mom I’m supposed to be there for everything but some days I just want a vacation, not a long one, just for like a couple of days so I can lay on beach somewhere and just have a little peace and quiet.

I breakdown at least once a week and cry and question my decisions as a mother. Sometimes I think that I don’t deserve the privilege to be this amazing human begins mother and then he tells me things like, “Mom you’re the best!” and it immediately melts my heart and I know that I’m doing my job as mom correctly.

The thing about motherhood is, you never really know if you’re doing the job the right way until the little ones grow up and become adults. It’s a constant guessing game that no book will ever prepare you for. As moms, we do what we think is right for our children. It’s a fly by the seat of your pants kind of job and I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.