More than once this week I’ve had girls tell me that they didn’t feel like they had any friends because there were a couple nights they just hung out at home alone doing nothing. Initially when these girls told me this I was shocked purely because of who the girls that were telling me this are. These girls are considered, in most people’s eyes, “the popular girls.” The last thing I expected to hear out of their mouths is that they felt unloved.
The ironic thing about them telling me this was that I too have had days at my house where I don’t have anything going on--no meetings, no functions, not much studying and no roommates home--where I just kind of feel like I must not be cool enough to have plans.
Well I quickly realized I was wrong. “Not doing anything tonight” does not mean you do not have friends. In fact, I learned “not doing anything tonight” is probably one of the best things you could be doing tonight.
During the summer I was very content with aloneness. I loved going on walks, listening to sermons or Ted Talks and learning about things I otherwise would not be able to invest in if I were in school.
However, when I returned to college that mentality changed. I felt like if I wasn’t doing something I was missing out on an opportunity to enhance my “cool factor” or I was prohibiting myself from climbing the “social ladder.”
And when that mentality begins it’s so easy to remain caught up in the pettiness of social status. So you go to the ring dunk, you go to the party and you go to the dinner with friends you don’t even really like just to maybe enhance your “popularity” by like an inch.
But, that life is not fulfilling. And further than that, you are fooling yourself. Living a life of meeting others’ expectations is just distracting you from what you really should be doing at this time of your life--pursuing your passions and focusing on self-growth. It really is ok to say “no” to doing things just to sit at home by yourself and have some alone time. And during that alone time, don’t feel guilty for not being out with your friends.
Enjoy it. Be completely satisfied that you are enhancing yourself in a way that you could not do with others around. Being alone gives you the chance to learn new things you care about, to work on a hobby you enjoy, to better your spirit and to enhance your mind.
So the next time you are sitting at home thinking you must not be cool because you have "no plans tonight", snap out of that mentality and think about what you could be doing to make you the best you, you can be and don’t worry about what your friends are doing. Because in the end, you win by allowing yourself more room for growth and maturity in your aloneness. And that, my friend, is not a thing to be ashamed of.
