I don't know what I'm doing.
There, I said it.
I'm sitting here as a college junior, watching the horizon coming closer with every passing second. I see the inevitability of graduation soaring towards me as I feel more and more unprepared. I've seen others go through this same struggle, but now it seems to be my turn.
Why am I so worried, though? I have a good GPA, a bit of job experience (even if it isn't much), and another year to figure out what I'm supposed to do. That's all nice and cute, but the fact remains that I've dug myself into a hole. For the past several years, I've told anyone I could talk to that I want to be an editor when I get out of college. I've declared from the mountains that I want to work for a publishing company, helping books get published. But that might not have been entirely true.
Don't get me wrong here; I would still like to edit books. Publishing companies, if you are reading this for some reason, please hire me. But I don't know if my passion is there. I love stories, but I don't love office jobs. I got a small taste of having an office job for the first time in my life this summer. It was fun for a time, mostly because I was often out of the office on errands. What I took away from the experience, though, was that I don't want to be in an office for the rest of my life.
Even my boss recognized this. When we did my ending evaluations, she recommended that I get a job where I interact with people more. This woman who I had known for all of a couple months could even tell that I was losing my mind. For some, an office job is perfect because it allows you to work on your own without significant distraction, but that doesn't work for me. My entire life is based on distraction. I can't stay focused for even three seconds, or so it feels sometimes. Even while I'm writing this article, I find myself getting distracted by wondering what music to listen to.
So, why am I putting this little story out on the internet for the world to see? Well, there are two reasons. First, I just wanted to get some stuff off my chest, and writing is somewhat therapeutic. Second, I think that you, the reader, can learn something from my insecurities about the future. To whoever is reading this, I want you to figure out what you love. Find something you care about, something that inspires you. My dad, a long time ago, told me that you should never seek out a job just for the sake of having lots of money. He spent years struggling with the fact that he hated his job. When he lost the job he'd had since I was very little, he actually seemed happy about it. He no longer was stuck in a job he hated, even if it paid well.
Right now, I'm realizing that what I thought I wanted to do may not be best for me. It could be, though. I still love books, and I still hope to work with stories in my life. But maybe I can look at other things as well. Ever since I was young, I have been fascinated by animation. I'm not much of an artist, but maybe I could look into storyboarding. Who knows? All I do know is that you shouldn't wait. When you put off the things you love, you will continue to make excuses. Don't. Figure out what you want your future to be today, or else you might just find that your passions have passed you by.
