Dear "Avatar"
Hi there, "Avatar." It’s been a while since you came out seven years ago. People flocked to see you for your effects. You made $2 billion, mainly through jacking up the prices of IMAX tickets. Worldwide, you’re the highest grossing movie of all time. Yet there’s something bugging me in the back of my mind.
Why doesn’t anybody remember anything about you?
Sure, you’re the movie with the computer-generated blue people, but save for that, what else? Seeing that you’re a work of art and can’t speak for yourself, I’ll answer some questions on your behalf.
Are there a lot of critics defending you? There’s an 83% on Rotten Tomatoes, and you won 3 technical Oscars. That’s promising.
Do you have any intense fans? Arguably, not anymore – nowadays the word “avatar” reminds people of that awesome animated show on Nickelodeon.
Have you resonated in pop culture?
There were a lot of jokes about you on talk shows at the time, and I once heard someone speak Na’vi on an episode of Glee, but otherwise I’ve heard more people quote "The Big Lebowski," and you outgrossed that 160 times over!
Did you make stars out of any of your actors?
Let me check IMDB…maybe Zoe Saldana? Actually, she’d just done "Star Trek," so probably not. Aha! Here we are! Sam Worthington! He’s the first person in the movie’s credits and plays the main character, so what has he gone on to do? **searches IMDB a little more** Oh. "Clash of the Titans," called "Man on a Ledge" and an Arnold Schwarzenegger vehicle. Huh. Well, anyway…
What’s your story?
Let’s review: Through different circumstances, a man is sent to take something from a native population of a recently-discovered area, and in the process joins the population in revolting against the invaders he formerly called his allies.
Oh, movie. Do you see this? The reason nobody remembers you is that there are already so many things with that plot! I mean, think about it: "Last of the Mohicans," "Dances with Wolves," "Pocahontas," the list goes on! But people were fine with it because of the beautiful 3D package you came in.
Look here, Avatar, I’m sorry that I have to be the one to break it to you (though I know for a fact I’m not the first or even the hundredth person saying this), but people only like you for your looks. On the inside, you have something everyone’s seen before. That’s equal to a new coat of paint on a childhood home.
Wait -- what's this?
You’re getting FOUR SEQUELS in a drastic attempt to be remembered?
Well, since there's no avoiding you now, let me end this letter with a genuine wish: I hope that your director, James Cameron, chooses to lead your story somewhere unique and substantial. Until then, try to enjoy being the answer to a trivia question. It has its perks!
Yours truly
Rose Weldon
