Many people tackle some kind of long-distance relationship at some point of their lives. Almost 3.5 million married couples in the United States live apart, and over 75 percent of college students have been or are currently in a long-distance relationship (English, 2005). The media portrays long distance relationships as doomed to fail and the majority of people perceive long-distance relationships to be less happy and satisfying than geographically close relationships. But is this true? This article explores relationships that spend less time together (long-distance relationships) and examines their relationship quality compared to geographically close relationships.
Despite all expectations that relationship satisfaction requires physical closeness, research actually suggests that both geographically close and long-distance relationships are equally satisfying, and that the level of security is linked to both (Lee, 2011). Whether couples are together or far apart, partners will continue to grow and change, so security in a relationship is a vital factor to its growth. Stress, unexpected, or even planned separation from a partner can trigger attachment concerns and levels of security. This is an inevitable emotion yet it can be controlled (Lee, 2011).
It is not commonly known that long-distance relationships can actually enhance communication between partners. When communication is crucial, it becomes more meaningful. A 2013 study by researchers from Cornell University and the City University of Hong Kong found that distance can actually breed intimacy (Jiang, 2013). This study examined people's individual diaries, video chats, text messages, and other forms of communication- the researchers found that long-distance couples felt more intimate with each other compared to geographically close couples. Dr. Crystal Jiang, claims, "Long-distance couples try harder than geographically-close couples in communication, affection, and intimacy, and their efforts do pay back" (Jiang, 2013). More commonly, changes in technology have contributed to the growth of long-distance relationships (Ogolsky, 2017). With the rapid technological advancements, there are numerous means of communication. Long-distance relationships in the 1990s were very different than ones in 2019. The combined effects of technology and distance can play to their advantage, and couples can engage in deeper connections.
In addition, the same 2013 study found that long-distance couples tend to idealize their partners behavior. The researchers found a correlation between idealization and greater trust and satisfaction in long-distance relationships. It is very easy to romanticize someone when they are far away. When living in the same area, partners seem physically accessible, if desired, whereas long-distance couples must travel and use a significant amount of effort if desired. This physical separation arouses the attachment and security of the relationship. For couples who only see each other sporadically, the time spent together is special. In fact, some couples actually prefer this method.
Long-distance is much more common nowadays, and after researching the topic and comparing satisfaction levels in both geographically close and long-distance couples, I have found a significant amount of data. Although it is a common misbelief that long-distance relationships are less satisfying and doomed to fail, research data debunked this myth. These findings suggest that love (long-distance or not) does not discriminate- and is blind to the idea of distance. Although I was surprised by the data I found, I also found that it made a lot of sense. Due to the increase in technology in recent years, communication in long-distance couples has significantly increased. With more means of communication, satisfaction is likely to increase as well. Couples also tend to disclose themselves more and idealize their partner. In fact, the distance between two people can arouse the behavior of couples and make the time spent together more meaningful. There are pros and cons in all relationships, but in the end, long-distance relationships and geographically close and both produce happy and satisfied couples. References
English, K. M. (2005). Book Review: Maintaining Long-Distance and Cross-Residential Relationships (2005). The Family Journal, 13(4), 512–513. doi: 10.1177/1066480705278736
Jiang, L. C., & Hancock, J. T. (2013). Absence Makes the Communication Grow Fonder: Geographic Separation, Interpersonal Media, and Intimacy in Dating Relationships. Journal of Communication, 63(3), 556–577. doi: 10.1111/jcom.12029
Lee, J.-Y., & Pistole, M. C. (2011). Attachment, Self-Disclosure, Gossip, and Idealization As Predictors of Satisfaction in Long-Distance and Geographically Close Romantic Relationships. PsycEXTRA Dataset. doi: 10.1037/e697002011-001
Ogolsky, B. G., Monk, J. K., Rice, T. M., Theisen, J. C., & Maniotes, C. R. (2017). Relationship Maintenance: A Review of Research on Romantic Relationships. Journal of Family Theory & Review, 9(3), 275–306. doi: 10.1111/jftr.12205
