"For I don’t understand what I am doing. For I do not do what I want—instead, I do what I hate. But if I do what I don’t want, I agree that the law is good. But now it is no longer me doing it, but sin that lives in me. For I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my flesh. For I want to do the good, but I cannot do it. For I do not do the good I want, but I do the very evil I do not want!" -Romans 7:14-19
I don't think I fully understand the unconditional love of God yet. Although I constantly hear that God loves me for me, regardless of the things I do, it still doesn't fully register to me. I simply can't understand why God could love someone like me. I can't even find love for myself most of the time, I can't forgive the things I've done or yet to do. I'm a horrible sinful person.
Getting to know Christ, I realize more and more how far of I am. Christ's character was displayed throughout the time he walked on earth. He came here and loved everyone regardless who they were, he never once sinned, and he never judged others. He was still the most humble of them all, although he was spotless of sin or error. Yet, I'm boastful, and prideful when I have nothing at all to boast about. The only thing that I could honestly boast about is the power that Jesus Christ has had in my life. But with the way that I live I spit on him every day, and I spit on the others around me also.
I walk through life only worrying about myself, and how I can put myself above others. With my selfish agendas and judgemental mindset, I hurt the ones around me on a daily basis. And the thing is, I don't want to be the way I am. I hate myself because of my sin. I hate that my sin has the power to hurt the ones around me.Even if I didn't say it or do it, I definitely thought it. I go through my days thinking that I have it more together than the ones around me. Then I realize that I'm no better than them, maybe even worst than them if we're being completely honest.
I'm in desperate need for the Lord. I don't want to let my sinful mind control my actions. I want to love other the way Christ loves them. I wish he could change my heart so I could be more like him. His love is so great uncomparable to anything I've ever known. I wish everyone got the chance to know Jesus Christ, he's changed my life. A thing that I'm confident is is that anyone who really knew him, I mean really got to know him, would never live life the same. One thing I do wish is that I could understand and grasp how great God's love for me is, and then maybe then I could do a little better at loving others.
