Disclaimer: I am in no way saying that I don’t gossip or allow a conversation to completely revolve around someone else’s life. I also won’t say that I’ve never been the victim either.
What is so appealing about talking behind people’s backs? Especially when they are not around to defend themselves or stop the conversation all together. Why do we allow ourselves to say one thing concerning someone else that quickly turns into a spillage of hateful words and comments? Because we care. The people at the back end of our slanderous conversations are the people that our hearts are wishing well while our minds try to veil them with ill-will.
Even if every sentence that leaves your lips is heavily negative, there is a reason their name is sitting on your tongue. You care enough of about this person to want to know more about them, to want to feel like you can predict their every move, you care enough to want them to find out because let’s face it, you can’t pretend they don’t know they’re the topic of your conversation forever. It always catches up with you doesn’t it? You made one snarky comment behind your best friend’s back and only a few days pass before she’s teetering on the edge of your friendship.
You badmouth the “weird” kid in your class, and before you know it he’s moved to another school because you weren’t the only one allowing him to fall victim. You speak only hatefully about those who have done you wrong without considering they may be trying to reach you to apologize. You throw nasty strings of words at yourself for not being good enough, for not being the bigger person you know you can be.
We need to quit that sh*t. What do we get from it? How do our hearts grow from the foul tasting words we constantly throw at ourselves and each other? How do our minds flourish if we are spending so much time using them as a breeding ground for painful insults? That’s right, they don’t. I get it, we are only human and unfortunately it is in our nature to compete and knock each other down. But have we forgotten that it is also in our nature to love? Not only to love each other but to love ourselves. It is in our nature to build a relationship with our Creator that will teach us how to build healthy relationships with His most precious and beautiful creations, ourselves and our acquaintances.
The next time you catch yourself in a conversation that has no means of growing your heart or flourishing your mind, when you feel a flood of hate and disapproval at the back of your throat, when you find yourself trying to come up with a witty comment to undermine someone else… stop.
Stop your mouth from opening, stop your mind from thinking negatively and try to remember why you care to talk about them that much. Do you miss them? Did your relationship end badly? Has it just been so long since you’ve talked that you think they couldn’t possibly be affected by your words? Whatever the reason, and I promise there is one, nobody deserves to be slandered just because they left the room for five minutes.
Think before you speak and always remember how it feels to be the victim, don’t victimize someone no matter the wrongs they’ve done. Embrace them, forgive them, pray for them and stick up for them. Stick up for yourself, forgive yourself and pray for you too.
