I don't feel good enough.

Now, hear me out.

This might get emotional.

But here I am, writing things, and here you are, reading the things I write.

I don't feel good enough.

Why?

I say things I don't mean. I don't handle situations well. I overreact. I don't think everything through. I get upset at people who don't deserve it. I can be unfeeling.

And, much like a vacuum, it sucks. (Vacuum pun).

It sucks to feel crappy about myself. It sucks to regret the things I say. It sucks to make people upset. It sucks when I don't handle things well, when I am mad or not a good friend or insensitive to someone's feelings or I make things about me or when I simply, don't feel like I'm being all I can be.

Every day I wake up ready to do everything perfectly. I'm ready to handle that conversation gracefully, I'm ready to be the perfect friend and the perfect girlfriend and the perfect daughter and sister and classmate and student and roommate and floor mate and CAB member.

And every day, I feel like I fail. I can't keep it all together. I beat myself up for not being good enough.

(Well, this is depressing, you're thinking. I agree. But don't give up on me just yet).

It even feels like the harder I try to make everything go perfectly, the more it falls apart. And then I feel worse, how wonderful! Actually, be looking out for my first book publish: For Some Reason, My Life Isn't Perfect. (Kidding).

I guess it's pretty obvious that no one is perfect. After all, Miley Cyrus wrote a song about it (you're welcome, for getting that song stuck in your head for the rest of the day). And sure, I know that I don't have to have it all together. I know that I will and definitely have made mistakes. But why can't I shake this persistent feeling of not being good enough?

It's because I forget who I'm trying to please. I run around all day making sure I'm good enough in everyone's eyes who is around me. And while yes, being a good friend and classmate and sister and girlfriend is important, and I should be receptive to others' needs and feelings, that's not what it's all about.

What truly matters is, do I measure up to God, the One who created me?

Of course, I do.

"For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will— to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves." --Ephesians 1:4-6

The thing is--yes, I am a sinner. No, I am not perfect. But the grace of Jesus Christ redeems me of that sin, and I am set free.

Turns out, I am good enough.

And you are too.

Be kind, love others, and find your identity through Him.