I'm severely lacking in social interaction. I miss my roommate, I miss my friends, I miss my peers. I miss the droning of professors' lectures during class. I miss the countless events hosted by my clubs and my friends' organizations.
I miss seeing someone, anyone, outside of my family in real life.
Of course, I get my daily fulfillment of social interaction with my family, as well as daily Discord or Zoom calls and movie/game streams with my closest friends. We would spend hours talking to each other as we social distance in isolation while getting our work done and trying to keep a sense of normalcy in our lives.
But I'm still not really fulfilled.
I have a lot of work to get done, both at home for school, however, my mind wanders and I feel myself wanting something more than the daily rants and interactions with my friends and new strangers I've become acquainted with when we play games online.
Do I want more friends? Am I craving the need to feel like I could relate to someone on a personal level?
My mind keeps searching and searching for the answer, and yet I can't find anything to explain the weird sensations within wanting me to delve into uncharted territory once again to feel my heart skip a beat and the butterflies in my stomach.
I stay up all night regardless, due to my incredibly inefficient time management skills the result of being home all day in quarantine, rather than being the productive busy bee I usually am. But why would I crave the need to stay up all night talking to a singular person — whom I may or may not know personally, rather than the larger group of friends I have loved and known for years? Why do I crave an experience I can easily fulfill with the platonic, almost familial love shared among my group of friends?
Yet, I already know the answer.
I crave the adrenaline, the rush, the feeling of feeling something other than the constant anxiety and uncertainty of where the world I know is heading. It's the chase of excitement, the high I feel with talking to someone, not knowing where anything is heading. It's been a long while since I felt it.
Maybe it's for the entertainment since I'm bored, but maybe I really do crave the beauty of falling in love once again.
Follow Swoon on Instagram.