The Best Advice I Can Give Anyone Struggling With Divorced Parents

The Best Advice I Can Give Anyone Struggling With Divorced Parents

In the end, your parents love you no matter what.

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Everyone who has divorced parents knows the struggle. Having to pack all your things up every week or twice a week just to unpack and then pack again a couple days later. Always being put in the middle of your parent's feuds. Never feeling like you get enough time with one of your parents during visits.

Here is some good advice that I've learned from having divorced parents:

Try to get two of everything.

The most frustrating thing for me was leaving my shampoo or foundation at my dad's house when I was going to my mom's house or vice versa. This doesn't necessarily apply if your parents live close to each other but, mine lived an hour away from each other. Try to get two items in as much as possible because it will make life a lot easier.

Don't play your parents against each other.

Let me tell you right now, this never works out in your favor. If one parent says 'no' and the other says 'yes' don't do anything until both parents agree. If you end up doing what the one parent said 'no' to, it will no doubt end in a fight. This is especially a bad idea when your parents ended on bad terms. Don't rock the boat more than it already is.

If you're an only child, blame it on the dog.

There is no sibling to blame things on when you mess up. Own up to your mistakes or just blame it on the dog. No, I'm just joking, try to always own up to your mistakes and faults. It will allow you to become a stronger individual.

Spend time with your parents, they miss you when you're gone.

Going back and forth from each parents house can get draining emotionally and physically. Try to spend as much time as you can with your parent when you're home because they miss you when you're gone, and I'm sure you miss them too.

Don't let your parents put you in the middle.

Sometimes it's easy for your parents to vent about the other parent to you. Don't let them. It creates tension and drama that is unnecessary.

The most independent and empowering times I've had living with divorced parents was when I turned sixteen and when I turned eighteen. When I turned sixteen, my papa and nana gave me a really nice car and I'm so thankful for that. It was the key to my independence, away from my parents. It was my escape during the day to just have some time alone.

Then, when I turned eighteen I was off to college. I have a love-hate relationship with college. But I wouldn't choose any other path for myself. It was the best decision for myself to grow as an individual. The hard thing about college and having divorced parents is balancing your time with each of them. It takes some planning and time management. But ultimately, make sure to do what is best for you.

In the end, your parents love you no matter what.

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Why Getting Away From Where You Grew Up Is Important

College is the perfect time to get away from home and go out into the real world.
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As you get older, life sometimes makes it hard for you to take control and go to the places you've only dreamed of. There's always a work meeting, ballet recital, or something to hold you back from taking that trip planned four summers ago. College is the perfect time to get away from home and go out into the real world.

It's important to get away from everything you know at one point in your life. There is a whole world full of risk, chance, and experience. The security you have in your hometown can be traded in for adventure and change. There's a time to try something new, learn something that blows your mind, or go somewhere that takes your breath away. That time is now, to feel like you are actually doing something worthwhile with your life.

It is important to get away from where you have grown up for some of your life. You need to grow on your own, without anyone there to tell you you're wrong or out of line being a certain way. The transition from high school to college is the gift of independence. You choose who you get to be without anyone holding your past against you. It's a do-over, a second chance after the mistakes and regrets you lived through in high school. Yet, being away from home has its drawbacks as you lose familiar faces, a steady schedule, and many creature comforts. But, all of these can be found in a new place with time. Leaving the place you grew up gives you another chance to grow again, without boundaries. Travel whenever you get an opportunity because it may not come again. Test your limits while living your actual dreams. Go out and explore the world—you're only here once and don't have time to take it for granted. Leaving everything you know sounds scary, but there are great memories to be made out there.

Whether this new place for you is two hours from home, or 20, it's different, it's exciting and it's change. It is important to get away from where you grew up and learn from the adventures you embark on. It is the best way to find yourself and who you want to be. It's what you'll remember when you look back on everything you've done.

Cover Image Credit: Madison Burns

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For Camille, With Love

To my godmother, my second mom, my rooted confidence, my support

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First grade, March. It was my first birthday without my mom. You through a huge party for me, a sleepover with friends from school. It included dress up games and making pizza and Disney trivia. You, along with help from my grandma, threw me the best birthday party a 7-year-old could possibly want.

During elementary school, I carpooled with you and a few of the neighborhood kids. I was always the last one to be dropped off, sometimes you would sneak a donut for me. Living next door to you was a blessing. You helped me with everything. In second grade, you helped me rehearse lines for history day so I could get extra credit. In 4th grade, you helped me build my California mission.

You and your sister came out to my 6th grade "graduation". You bought me balloons and made me feel as if moving onto middle school was the coolest thing in the entire world.

While you moved away from next door, you were a constant in my life. Going to Ruby's Diner for my birthday, seeing movies at the Irvine Spectrum and just hanging out, I saw you all the time. During these times, you told me about all of the silly things you did with my mom and dad, how my mom was your best friend. I couldn't have had a greater godmother.

In middle school, you pushed me to do my best and to enroll in honors. You helped me through puberty and the awkward stages of being a woman.

Every single time I saw you, it would light up my entire day, my week. You were more than my godmother, you were my second mom. You understood things that my grandma didn't.

When you married John, you included me in your wedding. I still have that picture of you, Jessica, Aaron and myself on my wall at college. I was so happy for you.

Freshmen year of high school, you told me to do my best. I did my best because of you. When my grandma passed away that year, your shoulder was the one I wanted to cry on.

You were there when I needed to escape home. You understood me when I thought no one would. You helped me learn to drive, letting me drive all the way from San Clemente to Orange.

When I was applying to colleges, you encouraged me to spread my wings and fly. You told me I should explore, get out of California. I wanted to study in London, you told me to do it. That's why, when I study abroad this Spring in London, I will do it for you.

When I had gotten into UWT, you told me to go there. I did and here I am, succeeding and living my best in Tacoma. I do it for you, because of you.

When I graduated high school and I was able to deliver a speech during our baccalaureate, you cheered me on. You recorded it for me, so I could show people who weren't able to make it to the ceremony. You were one of the few people able to come to my actual graduation. You helped me celebrate the accomplishments and awards from my hard work.

When your cancer came back, I was so worried. I was afraid for you, I was afraid of what I would do without the support you had always given me. When I was in Rome, I went to the Vatican and had gotten a Cross with a purple gem in the middle blessed by the Pope to help you with your treatments. It was something from me and a little bit of my mom in the necklace, the gem.

Now, sitting so far from you away at college just like you wanted me to. I miss you. I wish I was there to say goodbye.

I'll travel the world for you, write lots of stories and books for you, I will live life to the fullest for you.

You are another angel taken too early in life. Please say hello to my parents and grandma in Heaven for me.

Lots of love,

Haiden

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