I hate that divorce tore my family apart. I hate that it ate up the self-esteem I had as a child and I struggled to be complete throughout my life. I hate that I could never establish serious romantic relationships because I wasn’t able to get over the fear of emotional abandonment.
I hate to sound melodramatic, but these are a few of the things that have always haunted me as a child of divorced parents. I was four when they divorced, and all I remember from childhood was wanting to have a united family. I envied classmates who would always have both parents pick them up from school or have them both show up for school functions. I always had an aunt, one parent, a step-parent, a grandparent, and sometimes a neighbor show up to pick me up.
School was definitely tough, but romantic relationships were definitely much more complicated. It seemed that I wasn’t capable of breaking down the emotional wall I put up and those who were unfortunate enough to try and break it down were depressingly dismayed. When my parents divorced, I lost my sense of security. The two people who were supposed to be my example, who promised a life together regardless, recanted their vows and I was left in an emotional limbo.
Planning trips with the non-custodial parent was difficult because of school, where they lived, and how they got along with the custodial parent. What hurt me most was living an interrupted life. It seemed that I spent more time with one side. Then, I would visit my other family and love every minute of it. But just as I began to get used to it, I was reminded that I had to go back to my custodial family.
Divorce sucks. I despised it more because I was very young when it happened and I never knew what it was like to go through all the “normal” things that children go through. And although society has always been changing, I seemed to be in the minority when it came to married or divorced parents. But it isn’t all doom and gloom.
Divorce made me know a love that I could not have learned any other way. I learned to love family I rarely saw with such intensity that it was as if they were always with me. Divorce forced me to learn to stop doing things to try and get attention from your parents, but to just do them for yourself. Divorce made me appreciate the struggles my mother faced in raising me, a hardheaded Neanderthal with an ok IQ. Divorce helped me appreciate “non-traditional” family structures that included step-parents, or involved extended families.
And I think that’s the point. Although the divorce tore my immediate family apart, it helped me appreciate and love even more deeply my extended family. I knew all too well the feeling of not having someone you love easily accessible, and I understood at a young age the true meaning of family: unwavering love.
