With the divorce rate being about 50% in the United States, it is not unusual to find a friend who can relate to my circumstances. My parents divorced when I was about five, so having two of every holiday, birthday and graduation is second nature. I usually try to seek the unseen benefit in many situations and believe it or not, I found a few things about my parents' failed marriage that has helped me when it comes to relationships:
1. Pride will kill you.
Alright, as human beings we can all be a bit stubborn. I am the offspring of the two most stubborn people who would often struggle with the statement, "Hey, you know what, you're right. I'm sorry." Observing my parents' marriage and picking it apart, you know what I learned? Nine times out of ten, these two people were not willing to put their pride aside. They would listen to respond – not listen to understand. THAT is a recipe for disaster in any relationship. Next time you're in an argument and you can't even remember what started it, take two steps back and ask yourself, "Does this really matter?" because odds are it probably doesn't. If you still don't understand, listen to "PRIDE" by Kendrick Lamar – he'll break it down for you.
2. Got an issue? Talk about it.
Ahhh, the old "Communication is key" phrase. Guess what guys? This ancient saying will continue to thrive because it is the one thing that all couples can agree on – effective communication. Looking at my parents, I saw one thing missing: the desire to "talk about it." If there is a problem on either party, talk about it. Find a way to make it work. If there is a strong foundation of respect between you and the other person, then there will always be a way to find a solution. Bottom line.
3. Pump the brakes.
Living the "divorced parents" lifestyle has embedded an appetite to take my time. Why get married young? Take advantage of the fact that you only have one person to answer to and that is yourself. I can't stress this concept enough: We have SO. MUCH. TIME. Our 20's are here to teach us who we are and who we aspire to be. Give yourself enough time to live YOUR life and experience things from your own perspective. See what you want, what you like and don't like. Figure out where you want your life to go. Experiencing the aftermath of a divorce made me certain of one thing: take your sweet time because we have our whole lives to be married. Stop worrying about our cultures pre-set agenda of the need to be married by 25. Life is incredible – go live it on your own first.
