We all have them: those friends that we love to death, but if we add a little bit of distance, we can’t help but being annoyed with them. What was originally just a little tic that you could ignore turns into cringe-worthy antics that seem so much louder than before. One friend’s intense passion can leave you feeling this vague sense of underwhelmed annoyance. Another’s individuality and sentimentality can leave you with wishy-washy feelings. But why is it that we start to see the worst in people, or at least alter our perspective of a person, when we put distance into the equation?

Psychologically, it could be due to the fact that, as social creatures, humans are inherently more attracted to people that we see frequently rather than those who we only see every so often. So possibly, on a subconscious level, we begin to find these flaws as a means of coping with the distance. Rather than blame a friendship for falling apart because of psychical boundaries, we would prefer to say that there was an emotional divide much further than an easy car ride away. Or is it because of the idea that our little memories, memories that build up a friendship, begin to fade over time as we become filled with more intense and emotional memories? Memories that aren’t associated with an intense emotion, after all, typically dull over time in clarity and quality in favor of more immediate ones. When storing memories, there really is no time like the present.

Also, we could attribute a greater deal of emotional distance, in accordance with physical, to the smallness of the world. Social media has created a globalized, and sensationalized, way for people to express themselves in a new medium, even without personally saying so themselves. I think as a society, we promote this hypocritical idea that we need to act a certain way online and because of that we could be either presenting false information or even too much information. A retweet can paint an entirely new picture of someone, a status that isn’t worded correctly can seem to create a new persona in total. We all do it. We all have different personalities online, and sometimes even from site to site. So when social media becomes the only means at which we see certain people anymore, we can become aware of how much we truly dislike a particular opinion or aspect of theirs. Ironically, as our world has become smaller and more connected, our emotional distance seems to have grown larger and further.

However much social media can drive a wedge between a friendship, it does more good than harm, as it allows people to continue to keep in touch in ways never known before. But, if there has already been discourse in the relationship between one party’s emotions and mind, then social media certainly doesn’t help. Think of it like the cataclysmic cherry on top of a multiple layered ice cream cone of negative emotions. The thing is, once a division has been created between the heart and the mind, it’s really hard to put it back together. When the mind sees or knows certain things about someone it once loved, it becomes really hard to choose a rational way to behave. Typically, I think this is shown in the conflict of one person being hurt, or lonely, and is too embarrassed or ashamed of their emotions to verbalize them well. So, instead of being honest with one another we go about these backhanded ways to explain ourselves, like lashing out. We’ve all been in that awkward situation when we want to speak our minds, but just can’t. Especially when we have a psychical distance, where going from seeing someone every day to every other month makes us feel like we have to forfeit our right to speak honestly about ourselves and the relationship. Because, after all, when you are no longer a part of a person’s immediate life, why should you be able to speak about it like you are, even more so when you know you’ll only see them a few more times?

But, regardless of the whys and hows, being far away from someone can cause all these divisions if you allow it. Loneliness and loss are emotions that each bread our anger, and if we don’t learn to take life with a grain of salt, we can become bitter. Personally, I try to focus on the positives in life, but I can be pretty pessimistic at times too. I’m not really sure how to deal with distance quite that well right now, but I’m learning and trying to sort through my emotions without causing too much havoc. I do think compromising is key, however; allowing yourself to be free as well as letting the other person feel free as well. What happens, happens. We just have to learn how to take it with grace and do our best to let fate play out. Although we would probably prefer to end friendships with a more decisive conclusion, sparing ourselves the trouble, it may be best to just let them flow into the new norm. A more pacifistic approach, yes, but it can possibly salvage our friendship from bitter ends. Distance really is a decisive factor and we humans will always struggle coping with it. And if we can somehow learn to compromise our own ego, maybe we can create a standard in which negatives aren’t the only thing we focus on. But, only time will tell.