As a girl/ young woman, especially in my young twenties, I'm in an age group where dating and finding a "real" relationship are of very high priority. Fortunately for me I'm keeping busy by focusing on school, finishing up my degree, participating in student organizations and passing my NCLEX.
I wouldn't say I'm afraid to "jump into the dating game", but I don't feel the urge to be concerned about dating right now. I'm a believer in fate, and the fact that good things come to those who wait. Things like a good opportunity or Mr. Right.
Growing up, my mother and grandmothers always taught me not to go looking for a guy, but to let them find you. It isn't easy advice to follow when social media bombards with cute pics of couples and new relationship statuses. From commercials to movies to scrolling through Facebook and Twitter, the idea we need a cutesy storybook relationship is always thrown at us.
The fact is, you can't just make a relationship like this happen. It happens when the right two people meet. Not by sitting in bars, joining multiple dating websites, or trying to hint to a seemingly single person that you're interested.
Another factor preventing this is the fact that it's hard to find people that are unselfish enough and committed enough to work through issues and really build a strong, romantic, and lasting bond.
Now I've seen enough girls talk about what scum men can be. I've met my share of douche bags myself. Everyone takes things at their own pace. So far every guy I've kissed was my boyfriend at the time. You can imagine my surprise after meeting a college guy for coffee once and then two days later getting a text asking about casual sex.
I get it. Some men are pigs. However, I've met my share of sweet, loving, extremely thoughtful guys as well. Guys who do cute things like find a creative way to ask girls to dances, kiss foreheads, and really treat girls like precious princesses.
These chivalrous hunks are in short supply however, and I'll tell you a reason why. Girls can be jerks too.
It's not always the guy that takes advantage. I've known some guys who took things slow and were very courteous, actually courting girls and showing them respect. Some even waited until they were in love and could see themselves married to a girl before sleeping with her. So what happened to some of these sweeties?
They got their hearts broken. Dumped hard. To make matters worse, some girls try to make everyone look like their fault, and criticize his masculinity. "He's small." "He doesn't last long in bed." "He wasn't that great."
If he wasn't dumped, he was probably never dating the girl in the first place. She probably went for a "bad boy" or just someone who took a more aggressive approach, used her to get what he wanted then tossed her aside.
It breaks my heart to see genuinely good, sweet guys turn into jerks to date, or guys who don't even want to label a relationship. Why do the good ones have to get screwed over?
I promise I'm not trying to attack you ladies. I'm just saying we need to be more sensitive to our sweet guys and understand guys get hurt bad by crappy relationships too. The other thing girls need to do is stop putting out so easily and acting like you have to just to land a guy.
It disgusts me. Why did we even make a culture where it's ok to casually talk about our sex lives? That's one of the most intimate parts of our life, yet now it's become so in our face that many people don't treat it as special. This, we create the term "casual sex."
Along with casual sex, there's "hooking up", no-label relationships, friends with benefits, "seeing", "talking", just hanging out, etc.
Don't settle for a guy who can't even tell you what he wants in a relationship. That's a red flag you're not going to know what you two are for a looong time.
Guys label you right away in their minds based on how "easy" you are whether you're the dating type or the hook-up gal. Don't buy the "I don't like labels" bull. It's not a big commitment to say you're their girlfriend. Plus, if they don't want to make a big deal out of it, then why do they make it some damn complicated?
Either you're dating or you're not. You're exclusive or you're allowed to see other people. You are talking to only them, or you two aren't anything yet.
And ladies, you're not being needy by asking what your status is. It's just something that needs clarified before you feel like you're wasting time. It's ok if you don't know after a few dates, but if it's been a few months you deserve a clear answer. Plus we're allowed to be needy sometimes. If we weren't why would we spend so much time and worrying over men?
