When I was in high school, I tried so hard to be everything I thought people expected me to be. I tried to be the right weight, wear the right clothes, wear the right amount of make-up, and I only wrote songs about heartbreak.
Becoming myself has meant a lot of different things for me. For one thing, I've discovered how to be myself without worrying about others judging me. In high school, I would act completely different around my friends than I would when I was in class. I was always quiet, shy, and never volunteered for anything because I was almost too nervous to be myself around people who weren't my immediate friends.
I've always had such a passion for music. Music was what got me through my high school years when I was trying to find myself and find out what I was good at and where I wanted to go in life. I always wanted to pursue music, but I never seriously considered it until the end of my junior year. One of my best friends said that she admired the way I always looked so passionate when I performed and could hear the passion in my singing. This was the push I needed to decide to pursue music after high school.
At Berklee, I thought I would know exactly who I was right away, but this also proved to be untrue. I thought that finally being out of the small bubble of a town that I live in would let me explore more of myself rather than constantly comparing myself to those around me who were trying to be the same thing I was.
It wasn't until about a year ago that I finally felt settled in myself. I learned that I don't need to try hard to be a person that people will like or want to be around. I don't need to force myself to be friends with people I know aren't the right friends for me. My music is mine, and while I can take classes, suggestions, and co-write with others, no one can tell me how to write my music.
I learned that I have other passions besides music. I discovered that I have a passion for hiking, photography, and that the most important things in these four years are family, school, music, and friends. Everything else is secondary.
Becoming myself has been a long road, and it never ends. We are never through with figuring out who we are because we are changing, adapting, and evolving all the time. But being comfortable with all of the things I've discovered about myself has allowed me to grow in a way where I feel comfortable in my own shoes.
