The past few weeks have been an exploration of extreme limits that I can make my body go through. Being anxious about school and feeling like my work couldn't be good enough, I really began to rip apart my self-esteem and motivation to continue creating artwork or even writing for that matter.
When I'm in a funk, it's hard to get out of my head and wrap it around the concept of doing regular daily tasks. I forget about responsibilities and I forget about self-care — homework becomes more important and sleep becomes my daydreams. I have become aware of the undeniable peace showers can bring you after long days. I appreciate the moments where I can sit down and take a breath. Learning a lot about mental illness from different classes I have taken, things I experience or watch others go through helps me understand that it is real, it's not unusual, and it needs our attention. I believe that in order for mental illness to be taken seriously, we first have to address it in all seriousness with a positive mindset and a love of love. As we are becoming more aware of ourselves every day, our mindset changes and I find that thinking so much can be very draining and time-consuming — a balance becomes necessary.
One of the most important things I try to focus on is the thoughts and words that I formulate. Putting thoughts on paper, expressing them in doodles or even listening to music, it helps me see and feel what I am thinking.
With this crazy Illinois weather, I have (along with the rest of Illinois, I assume) felt deprived of sunlight and fresh air. The cloudy days and stacks of projects gathering on my to-do list were becoming overwhelming and quite frankly depressing. These worries and responsibilities were consuming my thoughts and keeping me from getting a restful night's sleep. When I wake up in the morning I feel sick and this prevents me from feeling good the rest of the day. It's hard to shake a state of mind, especially when you have nowhere for your thoughts to go.
These first few nice days were my opportunity to go outside and really gather my thoughts. When I am outside, I feel like the world is so open and opportunity is so available. I become more open-minded and I physically am able to breathe better.
This past weekend I went to Starved Rock with people I am close to and I felt incredible. I felt better than I had for the past few months and that to me was a sign of strength. Bringing my camera with me, of course, I felt inclined to capture how beautiful spring was starting to feel.
Sometimes it is easier said than done to prove to yourself you are strong enough to overcome whatever you are going through. Other times you just have to submit yourself to getting help, because it doesn't make you weak; it makes you stronger.
When I am taking photos, I am able to express myself more through the nature I encounter or the way I view the world. Every detail matters and that is what I tend to focus on when photographing.
I hope Columbia sees this and is inspired, or uses my photograph!
I loved the fresh smell and soft feeling of green moss in-between my fingers.
Ticks — ew. BUT they are essential (like all things nature) to the ecosystem.
I hope you find what brings you harmony and peace in yourself. Never stop searching for who you are meant to be and always put yourself first, give yourself everything you need to be happy; before worrying about what others need.
