This Is The Dirty Truth About Hookup Culture

This Is The Dirty Truth About Hookup Culture

Why do we look for validation in places other than ourselves?
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"Lana," my best friend texts me at three in the morning. "We don't need men."

I have three plays to read, not enough hours left in the night, and a heavy heart weighing me down because the boy I never meant to fall for didn't fall for me back.

Deep down, I know she's right.

But that doesn't change the fact that a night of rejection will send me flying into the wrong arms, in hopes that I will feel better, even for a second—or at least be distracted enough so that I don't feel at all.

I don’t know why we look for validation in places other than ourselves. Why do we expect that half-love, that twenty-minute love, that drunken, see-each-other-from-across-the-room-and-struggle-to-remember-each-other’s-name-the-next-morning love to satisfy the void in ourselves that can ultimately only be filled by ourselves? By self-love.

Is it because it makes us feel better when they whisper sweet nothings in our ears as we try to pry off the rejection from the could-be-love-of-our-lives that paints a film of shame over our skin?

Is it because we failed that test, and our parents, and we’re failing ourselves and we need something to numb the overwhelmingness of it all?

Is it because we need the distraction? Because we know that if we stay alone in the silence of the night, every insecurity and regret and fear will come crawling out of the darkest corners of our minds?

Is it because we don’t want to be alone? Because we like to lie to ourselves and believe that the presence of the wrong person will make it all okay?

Is it because we want to be wanted?

So many college students can do the hookup thing simply because they want to. But for me, there is always sadness and immense heartbreak and so many ground-shaking realities I never wish to face buried deep inside of me whenever I exchange names with a stranger, pretending that it even matters.

So why do we do it? Why do I do it?

Because I will drive myself crazy wondering why he didn't text me back. Because one bad moment on a Saturday night will inevitably spiral into me staring at my bedroom ceiling for hours thinking about every regret I ever made, every person who ever left me, every mistake I ever made. And because it's all-too scary and all-too much for me to face.

Because it is never the right way to handle things, but it is always the easy way out.

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

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11 Things Your Roommate Definitely Knows About You

The perks of living with someone else.
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Some are chosen, some are assigned. Either way, it is the same. Like it or not, your roommate is one of the people that knows the very most about you because they are lucky enough to live with you. Here are some things that they can't help but know:

1.Your class schedule:

When you are going to be in and out of the room. Basically where you are at all times.

2. Your favorite meal at the dining hall.

No judgement for eating pasta six out of seven days of the week.

3. Your favorite type of alcohol.

You guys are always going out together so eventually she catches on to what you do and do not like to drink.

4. Your comfort food.

For when you have a hard test coming up or just can't get that text back.

5. Every person that you hate.

She hears about any drama in your life so of course she knows everyone you can't stand.

6. Your best friend from home.

You know, the people from your hometown that you actually want to remember. Your roommate may not have met them, but she definitely knows all about them.

7. Which show you are currently binge-watching on Netflix.

And she's either telling you not to give any of it away because she hasn't seen it yet or anxiously asking what just happened because she watched it first and wants to know what part you're at.

8. How often you nap.

But she doesn't judge you because she does it just as often. In fact, there is nothing better than roomie nap time.

9. Your campus boyfriend.

And by boyfriend, I mean that one guy from your psychology class who you admire from a distance and secretly hope you will marry one day.

10. All of the dumb (hilarious) things you did last weekend.

Because the best part of a night out is telling all about it the next morning.

11. That you just so happen to have the coolest roommate around.

Cover Image Credit: ABC

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Ladies, You Can Do Better Than The Guy Who Tells You You're 'Too High Maintenance'

No matter the situation, follow your gut and don't ignore the signs that he isn't the one. There is nothing wrong with you, he just needs to work on himself. The right guy is out there, and you are worthy of love. Good things take time.

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This goes out to all of the girls right now who are questioning their own worth, because of a guy who just doesn't know what an amazing girl he has in front of him. You are so much more than a hookup and you deserve so much better.

You are better than that, and deserve better than to be treated any less than the princess you are.

In today's society, us women have been so accustomed to being mistreated by men, and it has got to stop. This is most prevalent to me in the realm of dating in college. Time and time again I have heard stories about the guys who want the benefits of a girlfriend, without the label. They will get what they want, and after they get it, the effort stops.

It is not fair to go out of your way for someone who doesn't even want or hasn't even put a label on something. Playing hard to get is a concept that seems to have been forgotten in this day in age because of the fear that if you play hard to get, you will lose the guy because you are "too high maintenance" and are "asking for too much."

This is just utterly false.

You are not asking for too much, but asking to be treated with the respect you deserve and if a guy is not willing to make you feel like a priority, and not play childish games like only texting at 3 a.m. to hookup, or when its convenient for him.

Nothing will change unless we take steps to ensure it does.

It is time that if someone is not treating you like a priority, do not go out of your way to make them one. Men will go after what they want, and what they find important to go after, and handing them the benefits of having a girlfriend, without having them work for it will lead to nothing but heartbreak.

The sad truth is that the nice guys that would treat us right, are often friend-zoned because we just do not know how to handle someone treating us with respect and not coming onto us like we are used to. For some reason, we like to go after the guys who just don't seem to care, because for some reason we think he will change for us, and the sad truth is he won't. If he is ignoring texts, not wanting to bring you around his friends, not wanting to post anything about you, or only wants to hang out alone or at night...run.

Go find someone who will put the effort in, and hey, it might just be the guy you were quick to put in the friend zone.

So its time to become unavailable sometimes, to leave them on read and to realize when it is time to just walk away. There is nothing wrong with walking away from a situation that is not mutually beneficial. By nature, men are hunters, which mean they enjoy the chase, and if they don't have to chase anymore, they won't — and it's the sad truth.

They will most often than not, want to come back into your life once you are already gone, and running back to them is often the first instinct. But remember the reason you walked away, and be strong enough to stick with that decision.

Your college years are the best years of your life and you should never let a guy come between you and your happiness. It is easier said than done to walk away from someone you have feelings for, but letting them mistreat you just isn't worth it. Your time is valuable in general and don't waste your energy. Being lonely could very well be the reason why people settle for less, because the concept of any attention, is better than no attention, is what is gone after.

It is OK to be alone. It might be hard but isn't that better than crying over someone who leaves you questioning yourself and the decision you made to put so much effort into them.

Use this time to focus on yourself and better yourself, for you. No one will love you until you love yourself, and once you have established self-love, you will settle for nothing less than you deserve. A good guy is worth the wait, even if the people around you are in relationships or it is "cuffing" season.

No matter the situation, follow your gut and don't ignore the signs that he isn't the one

There is nothing wrong with you, he just needs to work on himself

The right guy is out there, and you are worthy of love.

Good things take time.

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