It's an incredibly daunting word, isn't it? For some people, change is exciting and brings them nothing but joy to be rid of the normal occurrences of their every day lives. However, for others, change is one of the most horrifying things that could ever be mentioned.
I have a very poor track record with change, mainly changing schools or locations. Thankfully for me, I never had to move around like so many others did at my young age, and so I became comfortable with my home that I had lived in for basically the entirety of my life.
I honestly believe the fact that I never came into contact with change all too often caused me to feel so incredibly apprehensive towards it. Making the change from elementary school to middle school was rough and the middle school to high school transition was even worse. They ultimately both turned out just fine, I had great friends, great memories, and a great time. But the first few weeks of each change were always the most emotionally testing and draining of my life.
I specifically remember feeling sick the first few weeks of middle school and high school because I felt so alone. I knew I wasn't, but it was the prospect of having some friends not there with me, feeling like everyone was judging me - it all came from a place of insecurity and anxiety. We all go through these moments. So, my 7th and freshman years, at least the beginnings, I do not look back on too fondly.
Moving away to college was different because although I was not actually living at home, I was still in good ol' Orange County and had my best friend there with me. Transitioning into Chapman and normal life there was so incredibly easy: I made friends quickly, was on the softball team, joined a sorority, and felt like I was actually at home. And so, because of this, I foolishly believed that I had gotten over my fear of change and I could take on literally any new event that decided to come my way.
I was very wrong, folks. Change is still very scary and still shakes me to the core. I learned that very recently when I left to study abroad. The entire summer it was just at the back of my mind but it was so far away it never truly felt real. Even the night before, I was incredibly calm. I thought to myself, "Wow, so this is what it's like to be okay with change."
The minute we got to the airport, I was a mess. A legitimate mess. I bawled and almost asked my mom if I could stay. I truly and honestly contemplated never stepping foot on that plane.
But my family urged me to go and I very reluctantly got on. The plane ride was rough because it was long and left me to my thoughts and I was just a ball of anxiety the entire time. I was excited, of course, but at that moment I wanted nothing more than to have the plane turn right around.
Now after being here in Scotland, I can honestly say that this was one of the best decisions I've made. It has taken me completely out of my comfort zone and while that has scared me quite a bit at times, I am glad to here. Each and every day is a new adventure and I couldn't be more happy to be doing what I'm doing right now.
I'm not sure what the next few months will hold for me but instead of being scared of it, I'm learning to embrace it. And I think that has made all the difference.