Difficult conversations are everywhere and perhaps some of the most important conversations we can have.
Maybe it's breaking up, asking for a raise, an intervention, or just a topic you don't feel comfortable discussing for any other reason, these conversations happen all the time. I'm not saying we shouldn't find these conversations difficult, quite the opposite. I'm admitting they are hard, so hard that most people just avoid the conversation entirely and never end up getting the resolution that talking about a problem would give.
I've had to have more of these conversations in the past few months than I'm happy about, but I have realized a few things about having them.
The more difficult a conversation is to have, the more important it is to have it.
If you remember nothing else, remember that. Difficult conversations are conversations of import, they are things that matter or are delicate where the outcome matters tremendously. The longer you avoid having a difficult conversation or the more you tip-toe into it, the worse things are probably going to get. Delaying the conversation just keeps you, if not others as well, in an unpleasant limbo where the future is indeterminate. Having the conversation, even if it doesn't go how you want, at least solidifies a future and allows all involved to move forward.
On a related note, when you do finally decide to have one of these conversations, don't tip-toe into or around it. Get to the point and make it clear what it is you want to talk about. Expecting someone to read your mind is unreasonable at best and an outright detriment to communication at worst. Failing to make yourself clear is a near guarantee for the conversation to not go the way you want. I don't generally recommend planning conversations beforehand, but this is one of those cases where planning what you want to say can help make sure you communicate what you want.
Mentally prepare yourself for however the conversation may go. Acknowledge how the conversation could go, both in your favor and not. If it's a breakup, consider multiple different reactions from your partner. If a raise, be prepared regardless of how much of a raise, if any, you get. Regardless of the conversation, be prepared for how it can go without forming any specific expectations. To quote Benjamin Franklin, "Expect the best, prepare for the worst."
We all have to have these kinds of conversations, hopefully this helps the next time you have to have one.
