We hear it all the time. “You’re so quiet.” “Why don’t you speak up more?” “You should really be more assertive.”
People tend to link shyness and quietness together. And then, for some unknown reason, the characteristics are always seen as a negative thing.
First off, quiet and shy do not always go hand-in-hand. Some quiet people are outgoing and friendly, and they even enjoy social interactions. However, if they don’t have anything to say, then they are not going to talk. Quiet people are not the kind of people who speak just to fill dead air. Instead, they will reflect on the situation or conversation at hand and respond when they have something relevant to say. Most likely, their responses are so well thought out that they are worth the wait.
Now that that is established, let’s move on to shyness. While it is true that shy people may face disadvantages in life, such as more anxiety in job interviews, that does not automatically mean that being shy is a bad thing.
Still, when a child starts school, shyness is often the first thing a teacher will point out about them. “Yes, that one,” they will say to another teacher. “S/he’s so shy.” Not only will people act like this is a tragedy, but they will even try to force a shy child into interacting with other kids more and more.
Let me rephrase that. A shy child will be pushed into a situation that makes them uncomfortable because other people do not want them to be shy anymore.
By pushing a shy child to act differently, you are enforcing the idea that there is something wrong with him or her. This will, in turn, make the child feel inadequate. And these feelings of inadequacy will cause the child to become even more shy and self-conscious, which basically turns into a vicious cycle.
It’s time we eradicate the “You’re so quiet”s or “You should speak up more”s. Pointing out a child’s characteristics and turning them into flaws is not going to help at all. Instead, we should, as a society, accept all children, no matter how shy, and allow them to open up at their own pace.
Similar to the cliché phrase, “A watched pot doesn’t boil,” a child pushed to act a certain way will only struggle with the changes, which will leave them with a muddled sense of their own identity. While it may seem as if a child is suffering from being shy, it is far more detrimental to actively try to change their behavior.
Every child is different, and some are more shy or quiet than others. However, in order for children to grow, they must be accepted for who they are, shy or not.
