It’s Friday the 13th and the semester starts in four days. It wouldn’t be unreasonable to think most people would be in panic mode trying to get prepared for it, but that’s just not the case around my house. Okay, maybe a small part of my roommate, Jessi, and myself is telling us to get a move on and start doing the things we said we were going to do today. But she just got home, and she’s had a really exciting few weeks, and so have I, and it’s really nice to have a slow morning catching up and being together again.
This is one of the foundations of our friendship – it’s in the way we are able to share those moments of tranquility without one taking away or pushing too much onto the other. It’s always a huge relief to find those people with whom you can truly share the silence, which is largely different from sharing a room while one or both parties is preoccupied with whatever is happening on their phone. When we finally do break the silence it’s to share a thought or a question we came up with, or to get feedback on something before proceeding to the next step. Even just musing on the situation, it occurs to me that this is how relationships are supposed work in general. Enjoying each other’s company, and learning how to exist in the same space. I realize that this should be common sense but it isn’t, not always, not for me.
It would be nice to be able to say that I show everyone in my life how much I appreciate them all the time. It would be nice to be able to say that everyone in my life knows exactly where they stand with me, but it wouldn’t be the truth. Sometimes I get too caught up in what I’m doing or working on or thinking about and I’m always grateful when someone is there to offer a hand, or some insight, or a fresh perspective, but I don’t always voice that gratitude for the benefit of the person for whom I’m grateful. It’s something to consider improving on, even just for the sake of not hurting the people who care about me. If we’re being honest, I didn’t even think twice about leaving Jessi alone to unpack while I went over to another friend’s house. My main thought was how much I would appreciate some time alone after being away from home for a long time, so my intentions were good, but I didn’t stop and think to ask Jessi if she wanted me to stick around.
Instead I just went ahead and left, felt bad while I was out, and ended up buying her some potted daffodils to make it up to her. Thankfully when I got home last night she was in her room, unpacked and feeling good about how far she got in her cleaning. It turned out that I had been right, and she did enjoy having some peace and quiet for a while. It showed me that a bit of faith goes a long way in all relationships, because if mine had been stronger than it was, I would have realized that Jessi wasn’t going to be angry with me for giving her some time to herself.
The point of all this is simply to say that we don’t always nurture our relationships the way we should, even when we’re trying. Some days we may not feel we have it in us to invest our patience, understanding, compassion, or consideration into others regardless of how much they’ve invested in us. Bad days happen. It’s good to recognize when we have those bad days, and to forgive ourselves for them – we’re only human, after all. But it is important to make sure we find a way to atone for those bad days somehow, to nurture those relationships and give them the chance to deepen and grow the same way you would expect yourself to learn more and grow as an individual.
